Re: Scared, Confused and Lost
Submitted by Ray on July 31 2000 10:06:30
In reply to Scared, Confused and Lost submitted by Ngc224c on July 30 2000 19:00:15
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Chris, I don't have answers to what you should do, but might be able to help you understand what's happening. A simple response to what you wrote is that the older guy has a problem with knowing how to love -- or in other words, what to expect from someone you love! He is expecting (demanding, even) things that you cannot give rather than being grateful for what you can! It seems the definition of "love" that he lives by is "someone who loves me does stuff for me!" or "someone who loves me does what I want!" I know someone like that! He's 25+ years younger than I and four years ago he moved into the building where I was living at the time. I've helped him move about five times more than I wanted to! He needs Jock Itch creme and has no money! Etc., etc., etc!!!! A definition of love I've seen on RDC a while back is "love is when the well-being of each is dependent on the well-being of the other." And when "love" is working as it should, all involved should be growing in the relationship. In your case, you are being smothered! The other person may be blind to your well-being! His well-being depends on you for full-fillment -- in an unhealthy way for you! And neither of you are fully human and full of the Holy Spirit which produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness! Apparently he's avoided dealing with the problems in his other relationships, and those may be related to the same over-demanding that you've experienced. And back of all his "problems" may be a lack of self-acceptance of his own sexuality and the emotional supports he needs to live! But if that's the case, he needs a broader base of "support," not just you. In all you wrote, I don't remember that you said much about how you feel about the guy! Maybe you feel love toward him and want to help! Or it may be that if you leave him, if you just move out, that you will feel guilty for abandoning him. Maybe you're staying there because you think that otherwise you can't manage financially. Maybe you'd just like to understand what's happening to you and why he acts as he does! And then you'd be better able to decide what to do! Seven times the words from Leviticus 19:18, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," are repeated in the New Testament. All too often we see the "love your neighbor" part of that and overlook the "love yourself." It is not selfish to consider yourself in deciding what to do in your situation. It is necessary! Thinking of you! Wishing you well! Hang in there! Peace in Christ, Ray |
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