On man-boy relationships
Submitted by Mark on August 27 2000 23:31:25
|
Here's an interesting take on the importance of man-boy relationships. These are excerpts from a paper by Gerald P. Jones, Ph.D. of the Institute for the Study of Women and Men in Society at the University of Southern California. I've linked to the full article below. The hypothesis is this: True intimacy between developing boys and adult men -- including mutual respect, sharing of control, power, feelings and secrets, affectionate touching and time spent experiencing each other in a variety of situations -- will render homophobia impotent and will emphasize and enhance human qualities that are incompatible with sexism: interpersonal involvement, openness, committment, giving, inclusion, and feeling of security in personal worth. These will be experienced during development, rather than during the romantic/dating phase after development, when less desirable attitudes may well have been learned and set. The boy who has an adult male friend has made a connection across the so-called generation gap, and likely feels connected in some degree to the larger world of adults as well. Such a youngster probably feels in this unusual friendship a sense of self-efficacy that is not nearly as palpable in his peer relationships. If it is indeed a two-way relationship it is possible to assume that the younger person shares a degree of power with the adult, giving the boy a chance to work gradually and gracefully -- with a mentor, besides -- into an adulthood where the exercise of power is balanced with fearlessly surrendering control at appropriate times. The theory is that a man will respect his place in the world and will value his fellow humans if he was once the boy who was not alienated, who felt as he grew that he was more and more a part of the "human community" as opposed to being "just a kid" one day and a grown man the next, who felt just as comfortable exercising power as he did giving it up, and who learned to feel at ease with intimacy, even when it was with other males. Of course, traditional man-boy contacts, typically revolving around sports and macho genderflecting, tend to reinforce sexist attitudes and glorification of violence, but not all intergenerational contacts are traditional. We must move away from the protecting of boys and toward preparing them even before they hit the rapids of adolescence. After age 10 or so, when peer friendships have helped develop a sense of security in the mini-society of school and neighborhood, men -- and later all adults -- must provide boys ever so gradually with the skills, self assurance, motivation and capacity to give and receive in interpersonal relationships in the larger society. This means providing the opportunity for boys to experience and practice interpersonal relationships, including those with older persons if they are so inclined. The early beginning of this preparatory socialization is crucial, even if the pace will be slow at first. Waiting until adolescence has begun or, more typically, until early adulthood to allow and encourage responsibility and decision-making about one's relationships is to risk the likelihood that negative behaviors will have developed in the meantime that get in the way of fully experiencing relationships. |
Follow ups: