First Post (Part 4) -- looking for a cure (LONG)
Submitted by FeelingDirty on August 28 2000 06:40:43
|
One night, his mom invited me over for a late dinner. It was very romantic. She turned the lights down low, and lit some candles. We all sat at the table and ate. The kids were very quiet. After we got done eating, she told the kids to go upstairs and leave us alone. She started acting very seductive, but I thought it was all a game. She and I played a lot of games with each other when we talked on the phone. There were many nights when we talked on the phone for hours, often until one of us fell asleep. But this night, things turned serious. I sat down on the couch, and she sat on the floor beside me. It was dark and the kids had gone to bed. She laid down on the floor while talking to me, so I laid face-down down on the couch beside her. She started asking me what I liked in a girl. I was totally oblivious and naive to what she was doing. I told her what I liked, and she whispered, "Do you like blonde women?" I said, "Yeah. Some blondes are gorgeous. I had a blonde girlfriend once who was very beautiful." Then she got up on the couch and sat on my butt, like she was being funny. As she was talking, she started to rock herself back and forth against my backside. I turned to the side, and she started rubbing faster against my hip. She reached orgasm, and then stopped. I turned face up, and then she grabbed for my crotch and started rubbing it. I turned away from her hand, and she kind of whined, "But I want it." I said, "You can't have it tonight." She reached for me again, and I turned away. She seemed upset. Then she started rubbing against me again, and then quit, and got off the couch. I sat up. She looked like she was going to cry, "I've made a fool of myself coming onto you like that." I said, "No you didn't." I reached out for her face and caressed her cheeks. "I like you. You're beautiful." I ran my hands through her golden mane. Trying not to insult her, I told her how I wasn't that easy. I told her of another relationship I had that was very sexual and that I didn't want my future relationships to just be about sex. I told her that I had vowed that I would take my time with future relationships. She understood, but walked away sadly as she went to bed. She was probably waiting for me as I fell asleep on the couch after wondering if I'd ever tell her son about the night his mom seduced me and had an orgasm on me. The next day, she told me how sorry she was, perhaps to see what my feelings were about the night before. I comforted her and kind of suggested to her that the problem was with me and not her. I told her that most guys would have loved to had sex with her if she had acted that way with them. I told her that I'm a little more slower than that. I told her that I didn't want to mess up my friendship with her and her son. As the weeks continued, I started to date her. We went out to eat a lot, and saw a lot of movies, often feeling each other up during the show. We also took trips to the beach, even skinny-dipping once. I had never dated a *woman* before -- she was somewhat older than me. And she was gorgeous. I've always been attracted to girls, but not as much as boys. With girls, it was different. My friends talked about almost every single girl as if they were a sex object. But not me. I saw girls as friends. My deepest and most meaningful conversations have almost always been with girls. Most guys don't think about those things, or certainly don't discuss them with their other male friends. It was rare that I ever saw a girl's looks over her personality. I'm certain that it's the other way around with most normal heterosexual men. But I was very picky about the girls that I chose to be my girlfriends. My friends thought it strange that I found only one girl sexually attractive out of the ten they thought were sexually attractive. The truth is, my sexual orientation was different then theirs. For some reason I was finding very few attractive girls but many attractive boys. My friends would often tell me about all the girls that found me attractive, but I never thought seriously about it. As I look back on it, I remember many girls that I pushed away. I wish I had been more aware at the time -- I would have liked to have married one of those that did like me. Anyway, the boy and I had become very good friends. One morning I pulled up in the driveway. His mother said that when he saw me, he stood up angrily and said, "What's he doing here?" His mother knew him well, and said, "You love him, don't you?" The expression on his face changed, he sat back down, and said, "Yes." His mother thought this was great. She was thrilled that he liked me since he didn't let others get close to him. She thought I had a better relationship with him than his own father. Looking back on it now, I see why she was so thrilled with his response. She wanted him to accept me as his stepfather, and she wanted me to accept him as my stepson. She told me, "I want to tell you something that my son said about you today." That's when she told me that he loved me. She let him stay the night with me several times. I got to talk to him about his parents, about me, and about other things in his life. He was always very open, but sometimes he'd say, "I don't want to talk about it," so I would let it go. At night he would dress down to his boxer shorts and get in bed with me. One night he brought a sleeping bag and kind of smiled at me and said, "I won't be needing this, will I?" I said, "Not unless you want to use it." I never forced him to sleep with me, but I had such a big bed I didn't think anything wrong with it; however, he acted sexual a couple times when in bed with me. He would say something sexual, and then make a move like he was masturbating under the sheets, and then push the blanket up to pretend he had a big erection, and laugh. I'd heard about boys his age wanting to experiment with other boys (I had done a little myself), but I always put a stop to his behavior -- "Don't do that. What's wrong with you?" I would think to myself that he couldn't be serious about wanting me to do something with him. He's a boy, and I'm a man. I was sexually attracted to him myself, but I would never attempt to touch him or encourage his own sexual behavior around me, certainly not the gay behavior that I've had to battle most of my life. I was just happy that he was sleeping with me and that he liked being around me. One night, while lying next to me, he said, "Let's keep talking. If I stay up for another five hours I will have been up for 24 hours." He was having fun. From what I've read, most boylovers probably wouldn't be able to contain themselves. I had the most gorgeous boy I'd ever seen in my life sleeping right next to me in the middle of the night. Other boylovers probably would have reached out to touch him while he slept. As humans, we are sexual creatures, and what we like we often see in a sexual light. But my Christianity kept me strong. I viewed this kid as a child of God. I remembered the verses about curses that come to those who harm children, and the verses about how precious children are to Jesus and how they have angels that watch over them. This boy was sacred, if not for his looks, then at least for his being a child of God. Now, I know that a lot of boylovers who are reading this are probably disappointed by my story so far. Some are reading this to see if I wrote about my sexual experiences with boys, but I need you to understand that there's something much more important in what I'm writing here. There is a great struggle with being a Christian boylover, and as Christians, it is up to us to seek God and overcome the sins and temptations that go along with being a boylover. So back to the story... CONTINUE TO PART 5 |
Follow ups: