Re: What A Wonderful Relationship!…
Submitted by Splash! on August 29 2000 04:17:37
In reply to What A Wonderful Relationship!… submitted by Andy on August 28 2000 18:35:03
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Andy, That verse you gave me (Heb 4:15) is a very powerful verse. As soon as I read it, I had to stop and think. It's funny how we read and study the Bible, often going over the same verse but never really thinking how that verse applies to us. The Truth is -- Jesus was tempted in all ways such as us. Wow. I've often given this verse to encourage others, but I never thought of it in terms of my sexual orientation. Thank you. I'll be pondering this one for quite some time. I know that Jesus didn't act on these temptations; otherwise, it would have been sin, but knowing that he has experienced the same temptations as me makes me feel much better about my relationship with Him and His understanding of my struggles. Wow. It's quite a revelation for me, Andy. Thank you. Yes, I also feel that this boy misses me, my love, and my input in his life. I'm not certain why there has been a break in our communication. I figure that his mother is trying to get on with her life and not wanting to look back. I think she tells him not to write me and that she doesn't want to hear about him writing me. The one time he did write me may have been behind his mother's back. I've written him letters many times, encouraging him. His mother tells me, "Those letters you send my son are very powerful. They are good for him." But I really don't know if she is supportive of his contact with me. The only other reason I can think of is that he looked up to me as a spiritual mentor, and he has now entered into the teenage years and may be doing things that he knows I would be disappointed in him about. One time, when he was younger, he got into a fight with his sister over one dollar, and even though he may have been in the right, I told him, "I'm disappointed in you," and he looked at me, then at the wall, and started to cry. He has told me several times that he cares about what I think of him. Maybe he's not happy with what he's doing right now and wants to hide that from me. But I know at the same time that he loves me and misses me. I know him better than most. When I broke up with his mother, he told me, "I'm going to miss the talks we used to have," and I said, "Can't you talk to your friends?" and he said, "It's not the same," and I said, "Why? Because I know you better than they know you?" and he said, "Yes." He also told me in a letter, "I thank you for all the times you listened to me when my friends would've laughed." Yeah, I'm sure he misses me. Thank you for your words, Andy. A lot of what you said caused me to rethink my situation. I expressed these thoughts and feelings in my previous response to Bach. You said, "You trusted God sufficiently to see you through all the years you were with this boy; and God apparently trusted you enough to give you charge over him. Why is it you can't trust Him now?" I often felt that my being a part of this boy's life was God's purpose for me during that time and that the boy and I would both grow from the experience. I have found this to be true. I hated the fact that I had sexual feelings for him at the same time because that made me question my "true" "unconditional" love for the boy. But God trusted me with the boy, and by His grace I was able to affect great things into his life. I felt I had a purpose and a ministry by being a Christian leader in this boy's life. I know I have a gift for teaching, and I know I have great concern for the welfare of boys and young men -- God put these things in me for a purpose. I must learn to trust Him. "For I know the plans I have for you..." He has great plans for all us, and will use His people as they are (as often seen throughout the Bible). Thank you again, Andy, and Bach, for provoking these thoughts within me and helping me to see things a bit clearer. ~Splash! |
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