Re: Thanks for another amazingly honest post
Submitted by Splash! on September 03 2000 23:01:16
In reply to Thanks for another amazingly honest post submitted by Forgiven on September 03 2000 20:06:27
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It was a weird situation. I really can't blame my premarital-sex relationship on the church since it was ultimately my choice, but when I look back on it, I feel that the church let me down and made me vulnerable to it. The church assumed that I was already having a sexual relationship with her. They thought this was the reason why she divorced her husband. So the church shunned us both. They weren't there for support. They believed the rumours and left me alone -- even while I was still going to church. "Don't turn your back on your brother / When you think he's in sin / For it's the love of Jesus / That will win him back again." I lost my friends -- my Christian companions -- my fellowship with others. I was no longer being exhorted, or even confronted and challenged. I was left to myself -- totally alone. All I had was my relationship with her and her son. So I went with it. My ministries had been pulled, and I was no longer viewed as a Christian brother. What had I to lose? My relationship with God, yes. But my thinking had become twisted. I was confused by the entire situation, and I felt that I had a God-given purpose to be involved in this family's life -- her, her son, and the rest of her family. It wasn't that I turned my back on God -- I wasn't angry with Him. I was angry with the church. I had been one of the few who were involved in many soul-winning ministries, and I now found it ironic that Christians would reach out to the lost (even those who were filfthier than dirt) and then turn their backs on their own. What's that saying... "Christians are the only people who kill their own kind." They kick them while they're down. That's what they did to me. I've forgiven them since then. I've made some horrible mistakes, and I struggle with gross sin on a daily basis; I certainly can be forgiving of others who make mistakes. And now, I need to seek forgiveness from them, in addition to setting the record straight. The pastor knew that my close proximity to the family during the divorce put me in danger of falling into the trap set by a vulnerable woman looking for companionship. He's experienced this himself. He did try to help me. He knew that I thought I was doing what was right in my own eyes. I had been naive and tricked myself with excuses. He told me that if I ever returned to the church, and he hoped I would, that he would be waiting for me. As far as my sexual attraction for boys, I don't think I can ever feel comfortable with anyone enough to tell them the whole story. As you said, a person in a position of authority is required to report certain admissions of guilt to the police in case a young person was in fact abused. I got some counseling once regarding these struggles, and the psychologist told me that he had to write it down. He said that the law forced him to notify the police whenever his clients admitted to any involvement with children. How comfortable do you think that made me feel? I quit seeing him. It's a tough situation -- you go to seek help and are threatened with being put in jail if you say too much. What kind of help is that? That is why I am so happy to be able to talk about these things here with all of you. I've gotten some good responses and some great advice. I hope that I can do the same for others when they find this place. ~Splash* |
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