When a YF becomes a man
Submitted by Forgiven on September 07 2000 17:36:14
In reply to 'Good Will Hunting' -- when a YF becomes a man submitted by Splash! on September 03 2000 19:30:58
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Having spent the evening with an ex YF who is still a small part of my life, having had another drop by with his wife 10 days ago and being very aware there are another 2 who have spontaneously used the term 'Mentor' of their relationship with me, I feel I ought to know how to respond. But I don't - because I think in practice each of the relationships was different, faded for different reasons (not negatively) and have different issues left around them. All I think I can honestly say that in each case I am confident that I was a positive influence in their lives in some way, although I can't really measure it or absolutely prove it. I think we should be prepared to reach out - but be very aware that we are dealing with very fragile people - boys often give the impression of self confidence, but in fact are really struggling with hard issues. Sometimes, when things are really solid between us they will share what's truly going on - I treasure an email that my present YF sent from university when he was really down because he poured out some of his confusion and pain in an amazing way; on other occaisions they won't be so forthcoming but just need us around. I think at least in this world the only test of how real the friendship is is what happens when the 'spark' has gone and he is beyond our AoA. Hopefully something real will last and you will continue to share more than just casually. It is a feature of modern society that many people have few real friends - at its best we have shown that to our YF and have taught him to be real with others beyond his immediate family circle. |
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