Dear Mark
Submitted by Once a Boy on November 29 2000 23:05:31
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Dear Mark: I have been trying to make the time to write about Joe, a boy whose life has made the biggest impact in my life. Now 22, I recently talked to him on the phone, and he was giving me advice! He was saying the things I always wrote and spoke to him about. I am forever engraved on his heart and his soul. I have known, because Joseph is forever engraved on my heart and soul. I don't know how to write about a 9 year relationship in which walls of abuse, pain and guilt were broken down with steadfast love, patience, kindness, an enduring compassion. In short, although Joe still has struggles, as we all do, God has used me and brought me to see the magnificant love He had for Joe and in turn for me. Our relationship is not just one story but a series of books. It contains hundreds (perhaps thousands of miracles). Below are just a few. In my most defeated time, a teacher said about Joe, "Don't waste your time on a kid like that. They're trash." On riding home, I pushed the button and there was silence. Just as I was going to push to get another station, a song came on the radio, "You don't count the cost. You don't count the sacrafice." Tears ran down my face, and I trusted God. I continued my relationship with Joe. Joe made a request to get playoff tickets in an attempt to "test God." Unbelievably, tickets came! Joe, in shock, began to realize that God did hear his cry during the many years of abuse. Joe's mom wanted me to stay, but I so wanted to move away and "get on with my life." There was a voice saying, "Stop spending time with a 13 year old boy!" I sat on a bus and with my head down said, "How can she ask me to stay for Joe? She wants me to raise her child! Doesn't she know just how much I have given? Look how much I sacraficed? And there, as I raised my head was this huge stain glass window of Jesus on the cross. I was quite humbled and stunned! Yes, I realized God had made more of a sacrafice than measley me. Joe and I took a week vacation. To this day, he says our week together was the best in his whole life. God was with us as He had been throughout our relationship, but the fun times, the sunsets, the talks were all a little brighter, a little richer. It was as if God was saying, "Your love has been pleasing in my eyes!" I could go on and on....please accept this as the story you asked for all those weeks ago, and there have been other boys, but none to the extent of Joe. I know this is not quite what you expected with the story, but I hope you can use it in a positive way. Right now, however, a part of me is dealing with another tough guy, Nick (12), and right now, I am in the dark part with Nick...with Joe and Nick, there were many times of fun and caring, yet once the "deeper" talking begins of their pain (of God's love), the walls go up (YUCKY!). However, I know that past this dark phase, there is a shining light and our hearts bond in a way that no one can seperate - ever! In short, our love flourishes. Unfortuantley, right now, I am in the phase with Nick that is very difficult. I remember all the fun and I wish we did not touch on the things we have spoke. I want to go back playing golf, pillow fights, and that kind of stuff. However, our "talk(s)" have forced us to move to a different kind of relationship. Right now, I want to control, and yet I am forced to let God control. I want the walls to crumble, yet I can't do it. Only God can eventually make it happen. I must have patience. I must pray. I must read the Bible. Mark and anyone out there, I hope you'll pray for me during this time and for God to let Nick finally drop the walls, so we can move on to the spiritual side, the love! I've known this "stupid" kid since he was 3, but our relationship changed this summer when our hearts shared on a deep level. Since then, the walls have been difficult to get through. Looking back, I see just how God has blessed all our times together. Unfortuantely, a part of me is in doubt as to what God can do when indeed He did something so miraculous for me and Joe all those years ago (and continues to do in our relationship today). Keeping the faith. ~Once a Boy |
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