Lonliness
Submitted by Once a Boy on December 02 2000 21:58:34
In reply to something I read submitted by asb on December 02 2000 16:51:46
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We are not alone. Indeed, it seems that way. On us and within us are millions of microrganisms. We can't see them. In a similar sense, we have much we do not see. I just visited a friend, his wife and their two toddlers. Indeed, they seem to have something I want....that "we-ness" you spoke of. Perhaps God will open us to the possibility of having our own family, but to be honest, no "we-ness" last forever here on earth. Old people, for example, have lost many loved ones and often finish their lives "alone." Some are content, and others agonize over waking each day. I suppose the only thing to do is to rely on God, for He is the only true thing that stays with a person each and every day, although, unfortunately, we don't always "see" Him. Yet, by going through the lonliness, we can come out stronger. We can "see" God working in the world and "see" His love. To be honest, I am not sure as to my life either. Each year I get older and more and more friends have their families, their we-ness. At times, I think I am going to begin dating again. It's been 9 years since my four year relationship with a woman collapsed thinking I am so young to be "trapped." Now, after investing these past 9 years on my career and on helping boys rise up despite the pain, I sometimes think it is time to somehow ignore this love for boys and become a man with a family. However, God, at times, seems to want me to continue giving my time and love to boys, yet what about me? What about this lonliness you speak of? Even if a boy miraculously ended up on my doorstep to be with me, how long would it last? How long could it last? After so many yers, the boy must move on to his own life. My friend Joe and I had a special relationship since he was 12, yet now 22, he and I are not "together" all the time. However, we are together always in the way others cannot see. We are forever bonded in a special way, yet he probably will never live with me to create a sense of security, "we-ness." Yet now, I work on another boy, Nick, to bring another bond that is stronger than gold. These efforts and the times spent together are truly treasured, because I realize that as time ticks there will be an end to the special times. There is an end to the talks, the walks, the fun, ect...yet I do live on in the boys I meet and they in me. Unfortunately, in our situation, there is no long range "security" with the lives we lead, yet there really isn't security in the "we-ness" we see in others. A husband, wife and family is not secure. God does not want us to make another be everything, yet so many desperately put another above God. Thus, that is the crux of the problem for most of us. Everyone craves to have that security when it is only temporary. Spouses die. People leave or move on. Children grow up. All suffer this infliction of wanting to have the connection you spoke of. Yet, even the friends I visited tonight will, in the end, see the "we-ness" they are expereincing as only temporary. It may last 10 years, 20, 30...but in the end, their children will grow and not be "dependent on them. One will die before the other, or one will hurt the other with an affair. It is inevitable that every man and woman feel this lack of "we-ness." We, in this group, feel it more often, because we see it everyday. Unfortunately, many others in the world do not see or lock themselves up in a false sense of security. Believe it or not, in the end, everyone comes to feel this aloness that you speak of. My only conclusion is that one way or another God will bring everyone to their knees - sooner or later. Some commit suicide, get addicted to drugs, sex, comntinually jump to another for security or seek some other false comforter. However it is becoming clearer to me that only God is the answer. Unfortunately, there are times we don't "see." Let us pray for one another. Let us pray for God to show us His love, to give us answers to prayers, to give us hope, and to bring us the peace we seek. Indeed, this lack of "we-ness" is the biggest problem everyone faces sometime in their life. ~Once a Boy |
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