Re: Donning my Devil's Advocate suit :)
Submitted by GCFboi on December 17 2000 20:32:08
In reply to Donning my Devil's Advocate suit :) submitted by Triple Q on December 12 2000 00:04:16
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>>True enough, but what if he really LOVED her? REAL love is a two-way relationship. It is not enough if he really loved her; she must also really love him, before it can be OK for them to be intimate in a sexualized way. "True love would wait," is a phrase that I have heard, and I believe it. If a pedophile is truly in love with a child, and the child is not ready for sex, then the answer is simple: wait until the child is ready. Now, IF he TRULY loved her, and she TRULY loved him [and she understood what that meant to the greatest extent that a 6yo could], would it be OK for them to have sexualized interactions of some sort? Well, my opinion is, within certain bounds of reasonableness and gentleness, yes. >>Are his actions any different because he engaged in sex with her than they would be if he had the same relationship with the mother? Yes, the mother and the child are two different people. Sexual morality is a matter that occurs between real people, not abstractions. It is not the age that makes the difference, it is the fact that they are two different individuals. He can't "have the SAME relationship with the mother" because the mother is not the child. Hello, people, an important part of what makes a relationship a relationship is the IDENTITY of the people in it!! Hello, obvious! Ding, ding! :) >>Could it be that he was molested as a child and grew up thinking that sex was the only way to show real, true love? >>That would change the picture a lot, wouldn't it? Then he would be as much a victim as a perpetrator. Well, I was abused as a teenager myself, and yes, for a time I thought sex was the only way to show love. So I understand what you are saying from personal experience. And I am also a tbl, so this is not just hypothetical. I know what it feels like to be a victim, and I also know what it feels like to be *TEMPTED* to be a perpetrator. Read the excellent poem about this subject at http://www.18teens.com/sgayter16/written.html#innermost >>A teacher does not necessarily have to be in love with the children that they teach. Does it make what they teach any less important? No. By definition, they are not "using" the child's body (I was talking about sex, you know) so it does not have the same import that a loving relationship between adult and child has. Where is the dividing line between a child's body and the rest of them? Is that really as clear as we think? Their body is in the classroom, whether they want to be or not, and they are not just allowed to get up and leave. And some teachers may manipulate their pupils emotionally or otherwise. So being "used" physically, is that really any better or worse than being "used" emotionally? I am of the personal opinion that the body, soul, and spirit are one, and a person is made up of all three. I think this is the traditional Jewish and/or Greek understanding of human nature [can't remember which]. >>The fact that some pedophiles set time limits on their relationships IS what concerns me. For an adult to say "I can love this long and no longer" to an impressionable child, does not bode well for the child's future. An impressionable child may (emphasis on MAY) come to believe that love is temporary and grown up to find themselves unable to form lasting relationships. Is there a difference between love and sex? What if the only thing that is being limited in time is sex, and the adult can still love the child after they grow up, but just not want to have sex with them anymore. Most of the older men that were role-models for me when I was growing up are still my friends, and they love me now as much as ever. Maybe if one of them is a boylover, I am no longer attractive to him sexually, but all my friends still like me. Even the boylovers that I do know, who are out to me, love me as a friend, though they may not be sexually attracted to me. (I don't know for sure, I haven't been forward enough with them to ask them if they find me attractive or not). BTW, TRUE love is NOT something that would change with age. If a pedophile stops being interested in a child as a person after they grow up, and does not want to be friends with that child anymore, they were never really in love at all, I don't think. Pedophilic relationships do not have the same dynamics as adult relationships, nor should they. Anyone who is an adult who wants to have a relationship like that with a child, must accept that there is a lot more responsibility necessary in caring for a child than there is in an adult relationship. There must be certain aspects of parent-like qualities [though not as intense as the child's actual parents] to it, and those things shouldn't change when the child gets older. I suppose it's kind of like being a close relative, or something. Anyway, that is my opinion on these matters. |
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