Thanks, everyone
Submitted by GCFboi on December 18 2000 18:35:19
In reply to Question for Sprite and MV submitted by asb on December 17 2000 22:41:51
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I really appreciate you all letting me get myself in the middle of this debate. I honestly feel like I have had, perhaps, MORE experience with these matters than some of you (I am not trying to be arrogant), only because of the fact that I am a recovering sex addict, who also happens to have many friends who are teen boys. Believe me when I say, honestly, that many boys between the ages of 14-18 know just as much about sex as most adults, at least in terms of "information", if not experience. According to a book that I read, the average age that suburban American boys have their first experience with sexual intercourse is 15. For inner-city boys, it is 12!!! This is the AVERAGE nowadays. (Let's say that some adult saved their virginity until they were 21. How is that person any more "ready" for sex than a 15yo virgin? What's the difference?) Of course, there are those of you who are also more experienced than me. But coming from the gay community, rather than the straight community, means that I have had plenty of opportunities to consider the dynamics of same-sex relationships. Two major points I would like to make: 1) Same-sex relationships do NOT have ALL of the same dynamics as heterosexual relationships, and you cannot just impose standards of heterosexual marriage onto them, willy-nilly. Of course, there are many similarities, but there are also differences. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus [Boys are from Saturn!! Hehehe], and you have to take into account these differences when determining what is right and what is wrong. 2) Relationships with large age differences are not the same as relationships with two people of around the same age. This must also be taken into account. My point is that what is good for heterosexual married couples, may not necessarily work for gay relationships or boylovers. Of course, there are basic standards of human deceny that apply in all cases. But to just sit back and say "Men and boys can NEVER have sex, because I said so," just doesn't cut it. I am not a legalist, and there are exceptions to every so-called rule. I think this is a matter of discipline, and statistics. Statistically, there are fewer boys who are ready for sex than grown men. And it requires great discipline on the part of the older person to ensure that whatever type of relationship develops will remain healthy. The boy cannot do as much as the man, in that regard. The man needs to take the responsibility that he has, and accept it, that he has to look out for the boy's best interest, no matter what his loins might tempt him to do otherwise. Friendship, loyalty, and respect must come first, with integrity, and only THEN can sexual expression be even considered a possibility. But when two people are really in love, and their love is strong and secure, then who is anyone else to judge it wrong if they decide TOGETHER to have sex? I am certainly not going to judge that. I am sorry to disappoint those who would require total and complete lifelong celibacy from all of us. (Celibacy is something I have *chosen* to do for the present time, but not necessarily the whole rest of my life). In the past, I have had SUCCESSFUL and LOVING relationships with more than one teen boy. Though all my boyfriends were between 17-19, and perhaps "old" compared to what is being discussed here, I loved them, and they loved me, and it was REAL. It was so real, that in every case the boys' families not only knew about the relationships, but approved of them. I did it all out in the open, and nobody got hurt. Who's to say that it can't work with someone younger than 17? Different people mature at different rates. If someone who is 14 is especially mature for their age, so that they are equal in maturity to one of the 17yo bfs that I did have, then how is age a factor at all? Once again I am on the side of Sprite, MV, and Jim. I really do not think that they are advocating for things that are harmful. To be quite blatantly honest with all of you, young gay men are discussing these matters quite openly in public all the time, even in this country. The things that are being said on this board are not really as radical as they used to be, at least not compared to the conversations that I have openly with my friends. I have discussed boylove out in public with my friends, within earshot of miscellaneous people, and no one even notices. So let's just lighten up a bit, shall we? I mean, if Barnes & Noble is willing to sell XY, which is a magazine that talks about things even more explicitly than this board does, then how far out do you really think this is? And if Showtime is showing Queer as Folk, then, c'mon, we don't have to be afraid to discuss things. |
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