I posted here a while back...
Submitted by Altima on December 19 2000 20:15:33
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...can't remember how long it was. The topic being called "I don't know what to believe anymore." I wrote that in a time of particular depression, and I got lots of support from the various visitors here, thanks. Anyway, I was basically ranting about being moved to uber-conservative Ireland and such, I've changed and I think I can say, changed for the better. Mainly because I have found outlets for the emotions which society feels aren't natural, as I'm sure you've all covered here :) I've found that artwork is the best way to release yourself. I have won a few awards and such for my visual art, do local advertising via Photoshop, and so it isn't difficult to express raw emotions onto a peice of paper. I don't show it to anyone which allows me to really channel things like anger and frustration onto the page. That's the way a lot of art is nowadays, artists expressing wordless emotions. I also find that there are things that can only be expressed through words, unfortunately it akes a heck of a lot of words to get them across. I've found writing to be very good, relaxing, intellectually stimulating, anything you just needed to type but don't need again you can just delete. I usually write fiction (Though I wrote a paper on pre-concentration camp Nazi Germany holocaust which deeply moved my teacher) and you can both release emotions you need to just get out, plus explore new aspects of them, by incorperating them in a character's thoughts, monologues or in the dialogue. If you just start riting about something, your current mood maybe, and just keep writing, letting the words just come out as you preogress, I've found it very rewarding. The reason I'm posting this is to perhaps help others with something that I've found to have a posative impact on my life. I haven't included music, which although I love it deeply, I have neither the tools nor the training to create music. My life isn't perfect yet though, I never expect it to be. I haven't told anyone about my orientation, I find the fact that I'm a bisexual my only saving grace that has helped me to truely fit in here. When I'm with others I just ignore my homosexual side. My one problem is that, even though I'm growing in popularity among the people here (others tell me I've been described as "witty," "charming" yadda yadda) it's like I'm wearing a mask whenever anyone's around. A mask too flawless to be human really, but people believe it. I never open up my real personality to anyone, I never have. It gets very tiresome having to pretend everyday... I get enough hassle being an American without this. As long as I'm in Ireland I'll never open up to anyone. This is a land where I've been called a queer and a faggot on the streets for absolutely no reason by strangers (I'm only 15, usually people don't act like that to me, not as if I haven't been called worse names, just not on the street.) Anyway, if you've read through all this without nodding off (It's 1:11am now) then I thank you, I haven't meant to go on a tangent like that. Writing emotions that no one usually sees is all well and good but this message board is proof that there's some things that have to be seen by some people, even if they're total strangers. I've now bookmarked this message board (on my own computer renmaed to something not of interest to anyone and placed in a distant folder, I've never had that problem and I never intend to) so I hope I'll post here more so I can cut down on the sheer length of my posts :) Anyway, in case I don't get another chance to say this: Merry Christmas everyone, hope yall get some decent loot this year :) |
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