all I can do is care
Submitted by Nathan on December 28 2000 20:13:05
In reply to i need help submitted by george on December 28 2000 03:22:00
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Hi George. I want you to know that there are thousands of us out here, and every single one knows exactly how you feel. I'm 24 and I've had feelings for boys since I was 11. Not a day has gone by that I haven't wished things were different, and for many years I just wanted to die. But I promise you, it gets better. When I was 16 I hit the worst part of my depression. Nobody knew what was really wrong but everyone could see that I was messed up. My aunt told me that it might have a lot to do with my hormones. I didn't believe her, but she was right. After a couple of years (about 18-19), the depression started to fade. Trust me: a lot of the pain has nothing to do with being a boylover- it just comes from living in a society that doesn't respect young people. I don't know if you're still in school, but if not, you can't have been out for long. Give it a little time. Have you tried dating a boy your own age? If not, then wait and see. I was 18 when I finally met my first boyfriend, and that changed everything. If you're worried about God, don't. If He's real then He knows everything about you, especially how badly you want to do the right thing, and He'll take care of you. (If He's not real then it doesn't matter anyway.) If you're worried about the people you love turning their backs on you, don't. Anyone who really loves you will accept you no matter what; anyone who doesn't accept you isn't someone you should waste your time with. And nobody will find out unless you tell them. If you're worried that you may lose control and do something, don't. I promise you that you are stronger than that. We all worry about that but it never seems to be a problem. If you've already done something you're ashamed of, I know how you feel. It's just part of being young. When I was 12-15 I did some things with kids that I shouldn't have and I hated myself for years. But when I finally felt strong enough to tell people about it, I found out that many of them had, too-- even my therapist and my dad! If I (a stranger) can love and forgive you, you can certainly love and forgive yourself. If you want to talk to me some more you can email me at firebringer@goplay.com NOW PAY ATTENTION: This is really important. There are a lot of people out there who will try to take advantage of your vulnerability, and even posting on this site could put you at risk. Don't EVER post your full name, and I recommend getting a new email address (hotmail has terrible security). Most of us in the BL community seem to be using goplay.com So far I've been happy with it. Take care and stay strong. We love you. Nathan |
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