Sorry to hear your story
Submitted by Once a Boy on January 25 2001 17:04:23
In reply to Sorry to hear your story submitted by Jordan on January 24 2001 23:25:46
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Indeed, what happened to you is sad. It must sometimes make you wonder where was God during the time this man took advantage of you. The saddness and anger is indeed understood now, and I thank you for explaining. That man who did this violent act to you is not what I am about. I beleive many people have fantasies. For example, a father may get sexual aroused after his daughter takes a shower, yet he still loves his daughter. The same is true of many of us. There may be times when we think sexually, but this does not mean we would ever force ourselves on a child. Your story confirms what we already know in our hearts: forcing a human being to have sex, using a human being as a piece of meat, creates great harm. In this particular forum, I believe everyone would codem such a sad story as you described. I am glad that you are rising up above the pain. Everyone has pain and anger. Due to a house fire, at age 11, I lost my falmily, friends, and all my belongings. One day I went to school, and the world I knew was gone, except for the clothes on my back. The world really needs to have people be more compassionate and caring. Unfortunately, we all have been hurt, and we all have hurt. The only thing we can do is to forgive and shine on despite the darkness caused by others and ourselves. It is not easy. This loving boys is not my "main" cross. My main struggle still stems from that fire. At times, a part of me even looks at this issue as insignificant. However, for many in this group, this loving boys has shaken their worlds! Over the months, many have written they are in despair because of these fellings. Many don't want to be this way. However, based on my experience, I think God has given us this ability to empathize and relate with boys in a special way, in order to improve the lives of boys and for some, like myself, to heal the pain of my broken boy inside. As I mentioned before, I have loved and been loved by many children, yet my intimate relationship with Joe was something "spiritual." My argument for the group is to get involved in boy's lives because it can be an excellent experience. It was for me. I no longer have such a strong desire to connect with boys. I loved Joseph unconditionally and was loved unconditionally with a boy whose heart is part of mine and whose heart also contains mine. In a sense, a large part of me has been healed from my traumatic experience. I supppose I have been frustrated with you, because I want people to find hope by getting involved! If a man had gotten involved in your life before the "bad guy," perhaps the "bad guy" would never had the opportunity. That is, perhaps he would have seen a loving presence of a man in your eyes and left you alone. Or if a man was intimate in your life before it happened, then after it happened, you would have had a man to hold you and raise you up from the darkness; in short, a man to love you. I still believe men do need to get involved in the lives of boys! Unfortunately, pain and fear prevent us from doing so. I apologize for a post I wrote about God forgiving you. It is very painful for many "boylovers" because society hammers them with so many negative images and very few positive image of men who give their hearts to boys. I hope you'll forgive me for not understanding. Thanks for making it clear as to what happened to you. I will pray for you, for I can relate with my traumatic house fire incident. Indeed, the journey is not always an easy one. There are times when a great anger rises up inside me, for the world truly forgot a boy, me. I don't want anyone to forget the tears of any boy in great darkness! No one is perfect, but there are people who sometimes hit the mark of what Jesus asks us to do, "Love one another as I have loved you." With each day, let's take more steps forwards than backwards. Better days are ahead, Thanks for sharing, ~Once a Boy |
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