In the beginning...
Submitted by Forgotten on February 18 2001 21:50:43
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Well, I was born and very cute was I. I was always getting alot of attention, my family just loved me, well the aunt's the uncles, that sort of thing. My parents married young, so they were not very good at it. My father was hardly ever around during the day, so as there first born and the only boy to be born to them, I spent most of my time with my mother. I believe my path curved severly at a very young age. I do not remember ever being molested which is what my family would love to believe happen to me. But instead at the ages of 5-6 my mother was letting this friend of hers babysit me. Well her daughter was prob a year or so older than me, but we often played together anyway. My first time that I can remember was when the the girl took me into her room, shut the door, and told me to sit on the bed. She walked over, pushed me down onto the bed, unzipped and well you know. I was scared...what was she doing, and then the sensations started flooding in. I liked; no loved it. I never wanted it to stop. There were a few more instances that took place there, the problem was now I knew about this stuff. I soon found myself needing to do these things, it's not all I thought about but when it hit me...it hit me...and for the next 3 years up till age 8 I did this stuff with friends boys and girls, my own sisters, cousins, and even a 2 year older step brother of mine. After 8 it stoped with my sisters and pretty much girls period. My best friend and I continued our sexual activities all the way up till age 17, I also had a few more encounters with boy cousins, and the step brother. In just about all these cases I started the actions, I begged sometimes for it. I have come to think I was using this as a way to get them to like me, to have someone show me affection. I am not gay, at least as far as I can tell...I have thought about it and concluded that I would never get from a man what a women could provide me. I want a wife, kids, house, and a dog. And the only ages that appeal to me sexually are that of 13-16, any older guy to me is a turn off. But women can appeal to me from 16 on up till 40 depending on how they look. Though to be honest I am still tech a virgin. And have not done anything sexual for about 4 years now. I am 21, look like I am 15, act like I am 12, and think like I am 10. And just like a 10 year old, I find myself playing, don't know why but I still can watch a movie and start pretended like I am the hero.(that's prob cause I don't get out very much) I will always be young at heart, people of all ages are attracted to me and want to always talk about life with me. One attraction is that of kids, and espicailly boys. I find all I have to do is meet one and instantly they want to hang out with me, or whatever. And I have not said much to them...in fact I avoided this one, trying to talk to his uncle. And as I was about to leave he asked his uncle shyly if he could come up to my apartment and play. PLay? I was shocked, I thought maybe I had done something to sway the kid. It's not true...people and again kids just light up to me. Must be and energy thing...I think people don't realize they pick up on other energies. You know bad or good and such. I am not very socialable due to the things I have done, feeling like a fake, that if they only knew how great would I be then. Often I feel lost and confuse about the things I have done and why I was the way I was when I was smaller. So this is the beginnings my friends I still have much to tell you. Comments and thoughts good or bad are always welcomed. God Bless ForgoTTeN |
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