Re: First Timer To CBLF
Submitted by SearchIn on March 2 2001 02:29:51
In reply to Re: First Timer To CBLF submitted by John Doe on February 28 2001 08:15:14
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So true ..... so so very true ..... what you speak I know in my head .... but somehow I have not been able to let it into my heart ... I know quite well about Gods love and forgiveness for all of us .... but see in my case its not Gods forgiveness that I need ..... for that was done over 2000 years ago .... I seem to be trapped in my own shame and guilt so as I can't even turn to Him ..... and enter into his grace and mercy ..... I know and have known for so very long that it is there just waiting for me .... and also know how frustrated he must be see me in my struggle .... For I am a father as well .... and I can relate to see a child hurt and be in pain ..... and you just want so much to make it disappear .... but its not in Gods plan to force us to to except His love and will for us ..... he lets us make that deciesion for ourselves ..... and come to Him and give ourselves to Him ..... I'm workin on it .... but I have many things to work out ..... and I do know He is there waiting for me to come into his arms ..... Yeah I to have always worn that mask ..... and have searched for someone to make me whole ..... I am learning that it not something someone else can do for you ..... and thats where I fall down ..... cause my needy and starved hurting past gets me caught up in my own feeling ..... and then want so much to make that magical connection .... that will make me feel accepted and loved ..... Isn't it so ironic that what I so long for and have always been "SearchIn" for ... has alwasy been there waiting for me .... but that which can make me whole I won't allow in ...... hmmmmm what a paridox .... I hope and pray for the day ..... that I could be that person you speak about and be a positive person in a boys life...... But I am finding it hard to give that to others .... when I cant give it to myself first .....so I keep working on it daily .... Anyways ..... I'm so very glad that you took time to welcome he here .... like the others ..... I am blessed by your kindess .... May God Bless You .... And Look Over You Always SearchIn |
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