Commanded to Do Impossible Things
Submitted by Nate on July 25 2001 00:40:53
In reply to OK - so here I rush.... submitted by Forgiven on July 24 2001 18:12:20
|
Thank you for your reply, Forgiven. I really didnt want to get into complaining about my leadership, out of respect for the Lord's appointed headship, but perhaps it is the issue at hand. your pastor appears to have no real idea of how to look after a BL (though most don't) My care and feeding these past five years has consisted of almost complete exile. I am sure you know what can happen to someone struggling with any kind of sexual addiction, or struggling with any problem for that matter, when you leave that person alone, without support. It has been a very dangerous road to walk. Thanks to the grace of God, noone has been hurt, but I could feel depravity closing in around me. I am so thankful to have been lead to CBF and BC. It feels as though this week is a different season of the year from last week. As far as letting them know how hard it is for me to be isolated from boys, there would be no understanding or sympathy there. "Sin is sin, if your right eye offends you, pluck in out!" Suck it up and get over it, is the kind of attitude that is taught around here. And that suits me to a degree. I consider myself a man of discipline and an overcomer. As I said above, up until I got here, I believed that at some time God would heal me of boylove, though deep inside I have known that what I do with boys is a deep gift for healing in others lives that few are able to carry. Am I fooling myself? It is a little unnerving that of all I have read here, noone has yet mentioned that anybody has been healed of boylove, nor have they suggested that it could happen. Except me. So...although we preach unity and not conformity, when it comes to differences what I see happen is that the blessing of leadership is withheld until conformity is acheived. Another pattern I have observed, which I have tried not to believe, is that those with a greater annointing than said pastor sooner or later come under the same sanctions that I am now experiencing. I have watched several starve and fall away: a teacher, an evangelist, a prophet, and now me. Yes, I show signs of a fledgling apostolic annointing. Interesting pattern isn't it? I feel arrogant including myself in their company, but they did consider me a peer when they were here. If you sense that I am deluding myself, please tell me. I know that my perspective on these issues is whacked. I don't want to make him out to be an animal or something, its just that this is what I am looking at, and wondering when do I give up on the calling of God? He has not revoked it, and may not - as long as there is any chance of restoration. I just dont know how much longer I can stand. "...let the younger be convinced that so it is good for him; and let him obey from love, relying on the help of God." This is what I am trying to do, though I am not yet convinced that anybody is concerned about what is good for me - yet the Lord directs all. Well, I have turned this into a church leadership forum, instead of a boylove support board, but thank you for listening. I dont know of anyplace else that I could be open and honest with all these issues. BTW, my pastor is the head leadership for our regional church, there is no appeal. We do have apostolic oversight, but they will (must) support the pastor. (Also, going public with my BL issues would be the seal of death on my ministry in these parts!) Thanks for being there!, Nate |
Follow ups: