Hello
Submitted by Cindy on July 29 2001 14:50:40
|
Hello all. My name is Cindy and I am a regular poster at openhands. I've been viewing your board for a little while now in the back ground. I hope it is ok for me to leave a post here. I recognize a few names here from other forums so that makes me feel a bit better about posting. I have a pedophile in my life that I care for a great deal. He is not a boylover but is mostly attracted to girls and adult women. He did however have an experience with a man when he was a child that I believe may be a boylover. My friend has a difficult time talking about this attraction with me so I come to these boards to talk about it with others to help me come to terms with it. I also try to talk to other non pedophiles who have discovered a pedophile in their lives about what it is like to live that discovery. It is difficult for me since he does not talk about his feelings. I live with it on a daily basis even though I am not the one with the attraction. It is hard. I am a christian and have just recently gone back to church. Today was my second sunday there and I think I will continue to go back. It is a non-denominational christian church. I grew up in a Baptist church and was involoved quite a bit through my school years. By my senior year I stopped going and put God in the back of my mind for a long time. Things have been increasingly hard on me these last few months since the discovery of my friend. I had felt so alone until I found openhands. Since going there I have made several friends that I will always cherish. One had been talking about God with me after we started corresponding through e-mail. It's taken me sometime to really come to terms with what I feel I need to do. Although openhands has been a blessing to me and continues to help me a great deal there still seemed to be something missing from my life. I decided I need God back in the front of my life again instead of leaving him on the back burner and only calling on him when I needed something. I know he has always been there and never left my side when I strayed from him. But I need him close to me now. I need to feel that I have someone in my heart that will help me to deal with my feelings and the hurt in my life. I commend each and every one of you for using this forum and helping each other with Gods love. Please pray for me that I can accept his love again and put him first in my life. And please pray for my friend that he may find that same love. he is not a christian and my going back to church has caused extra stress on our already very stressful life because of his feelings about churches and bigotry. I think if he found Gods love that he might be better able to cope with his desires. I dont remember who it was but someone left a scripture in the prayer room that really struck a cord with me. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 which discusses the thorn in the flesh. We have a massive thorn in our flesh and I think I have figured out that I can only be strong enough to handle it with Gods love. And if my friend also found that same love I think he might discover how much God in his life would help him and how much God loves him for who he made him. I know God would never put something in my life that I could not handle with his love. There has to be a purpose for this. Thank you for allowing me to ramble. I do tend too ramble on and on sometimes. LOL Please keep us in your prayers. And God bless each and every one of you. Take Care, Cindy |
Follow ups: