Still flying high!
Submitted by Nate on August 9 2001 01:18:33
In reply to I missed the boat so I took a plane submitted by Collin on August 8 2001 11:25:34
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Hi Collin, and thanks for such a thoughtful response. There is not anything in what you say that I disagree with (bummer of an argument, eh?), but I really do feel like I need to stay in this for now. As I said earlier, I was ready to pack up and asked God to release me from this place. Part of that was an emotional detachment which I still feel. However, I do believe that I was called to be here and to serve my pastor specifically. I feel fortunate to be a part of a church that is truly trying to follow the biblical model of church structure and leadership. Sure, there are lots of mistakes and disappiontments, but they are willing to learn and grow - my own case must stand as an example of that. This is a grand experiment. If I understand scripture correctly, there is a blessing that comes when I can willfully submit myself to the headship of an annointed and appointed leader. In fact the potential of my ministry is multiplied many times if I am yoked to another in submission and accountability. Sure, there is potential also for me to be used and abused. Much of the church has suffered from this. But this may just be the time when it works. I took a risk five years ago in hope that it could be so. I am not too worried about losing myself here, as I am not naturally submissive, in fact I have character traits that make me very independent and sensitive to manipulation. My question is rather, "What will God do if I submit to His design for my life?" I have had the privledge of working with boys in an environment with strong accountability before. Because any sexual inappropriateness was entirely out of the question, it freed us to engage each other to depths of emotional relationship and honesty that I have never seen anywhere else. I welcome such a situation again - if that is where this is going. I am pretty clear that sex is not the object of my desire. (Though it definately is a component!) At this point I think it is more of a symptom of a deeper emotional and spiritual (?) attraction that I feel. I see that the sexual drive increases as the emotional feelings are frustrated. If what I wanted was to have unhindered sexual relationships, then yes, I would move to some place where the AOC and my AOA line up and live happily ever after. But I don't think that would really be enough to make me happy. BTW, I AM being trusted to work with boys. This still blows me away! In the group of families I am pastoring, there are three cute young boys who are quite hungry for a male role model. My intention is to work with their parents on consistent, loving discipline and building a strong marriage. Is that self-defeating? Naw! I love it when my boys grow up to be confident, caring, heterosexual, God-loving men. That is what turns me on! OK, I feel like I have opened up a can of worms here and I am too tired to put them all back in the can. How about some help here, anybody? Love you all, Nate |
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