Re: Has the internet fed you?

I don't know, Huck. I think you know what will work best for you right now. Mention these things in your prayers and think about these things while you read the Word. God will show you the way (if you're not quite sure already). I often think about the same things. When I first came here, someone privately e-mailed me and told me that I shouldn't hang out here because a lot of people here think it's okay to have these boylove feelings and they're deceiving themselves into believing it's okay. I don't know if you remember my first post, but I was going crazy trying to fight against these feelings. I felt that the battle was useless and that I could not win. I tried to find someone I could talk to about it. I used a search engine and typed something like "Christian pedophile" and this site came up within the top 10 or 20 hits. I read hundreds of posts and then finally vented in my own post(s). I found it to be very healthy to finally come out with it all, and then to find others who were like me, could relate to me, and then help me with my own feelings. I think this place is good for that. I was having a hard time making it alone. But this place allowed me to see that there were two aspects to what I was feeling toward boys (eros and agape, I guess you could say). Whereas before I was linking the two parts together and thinking I should never have anything to do with a boy again. When I came here, I learned to separate the sexual part and keep it under control so I could be more useful in showing boys Christian love. It's hard for me to keep telling myself "It's not okay to have these feelings toward boys!" What do I do? Do I totally turn my back on boys altogether? Instead I've been trying to get closer to God -- praying, reading the Bible, resisting bad thoughts/temptation, being careful of my use of the Internet, being aware of where my eyes wander, etc. Where else can I talk about these things and encourage others to do the same? Yes, it's helpful to maintain some private e-mail relationships with others to whom you can relate... others who are encouraging in your walk into holiness. But if it weren't for this place, I would've never found those "others". I also see what you mean about others using this forum as an excuse to say it's okay to have these feelings. I took a look at BoyChat the other day and saw a lot of that going on over there. We're always trying to justify our feelings in some way -- it makes life a little more comfortable for us -- this way we can live with ourselves guilt-free. People love to believe that God will accept them the way they are no matter what, but when I read my Bible I learn that God has often punished people for doing certain things -- there's even a list of types of people who will not make it into the Kingdom of God unless they change. How can I say that I'm the exception?! We have to be careful and not deceive ourselves into thinking that if we continue in certain types of behavior that we will still be allowed through the gates of Heaven. This is a huge debate on its own. If Internet is a problem for us, maybe we should install CyberPatrol on our computers and throw away (or lock away) the password. Or signup with an Internet provider that filters sites before we can access them. As for children accessing bad things on the Internet -- who is more accountable than the parent? Parents should always know what their children are up to (as much as they can know anyway), and it's VERY easy to check cookie files, history folders, or install a "web tracer" program on a computer. How can I say a particular child shouldn't have access to certain things on the Internet when the child's parent doesn't even care? I can talk to the child about it, but I don't have as much influence as the child's parent (usually). As I said before, this site has not so much made me feel it's okay to embrace the sexual aspect of boylove as it has helped me see it for what it is (biblically sinful) and has lead me to embrace and want to improve upon the loving aspect of boylove. I know some people here see this site's purpose in other ways, but I know enough for myself to be able to discern and dissect what's best for me and my relationship with the Lord. I think most of us do.