What have I got?
Submitted by Nate on August 30 2001 19:19:34
In reply to Who has a YF? submitted by Huck Finn on August 28 2001 23:52:10
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This weekend I will be introduced to my home group as their new leader - something that I thought would never happen. So, now I have pastoral responsibilities in the lives of a few families - including several young boys. But at the same time, I am still restrained from having personal time alone with my YFs. The exceptions have been when they call, or stop by the house. I am not allowed to initiate contact with them. This being decreed by my pastor as conditions to me continuing to serve in the church. I should be excited and hopeful, but what I am feeling today is empty and frustrated with my life. I lack vision, and can't get it back. I finally became disillusioned with it all just about the same time that I was restored to fellowship, and I have not been able yet to retreive what was lost. If I had the choice today, I would give it all up to be able to be with 4of4 and watch him grow these next 6 or 8 years. He is such a remarkable boy and I grieve to have to leave him alone. As I look around, I realize that I have been blessed with everything. The sun is out and it is a beautiful day - and I am still standing with my feet in the noose, and the trap could spring any moment. Nate |
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