story of love and of god's blessing
Submitted by Scott on September 3 2001 12:04:45
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howdy folks, long time since i been here i started this in resopnse to Forgiven's query to me about my YF and his parents who knew about my BL a few threads below, but it seemed more appropriate to just make a new thread. ya know Forgiven, i had never thought of it as having great confidence to do what i am doing now... hmmmmmm.... it is merely what i desire so i will follow that dream with the utmost of my being. (now if only i could translate that work ethic into "seeking first His kingdom..."-that is something i try to work on daily...but i am all too conscious of my failures) aaahhhhh, about the YF i mentioned... well, i first met the mother via a Christian org. i was working for whereupon she was/is a board member (i dont work there anymore). then thru her i met her husband, and did some work for him. he works out of his home office, so i was working at their house often. that introduced me to the entire family. interesting sidenote...this past spring i left town here, under the impression i would not be coming back for a long time, to pursue another (failed) business venture...before i left my young friend gave me a letter he'd written, as i boarded the airplane. i opened it and read it, and amusingly enough, one of his first sentences was... "when i first met you i thought you were a dork..." hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha talk about a humbling experience! however, he and i are very good friends now. although he is an extremely attractive boy of 14, there is no romantic component, and never will be, and i generally do not desire one with him. it is a pure friendship, simple and strong...and not much more (altho i suppose that is more than enough, huh?). anyway, when i left, i had left some things at his parents house to be stored for a few weeks and then sent to me. one of these things was my journal/poembook in which i detail everything in my heart, including my BL, and many poems and such are there too. well one day, the mom was packing up the things to be shipped, and that notebook fell out onto the floor and fell open, spilling several loose sheets of paper out. she for some reason (prolly normal occurence when a notebook falls open) read a little bit of it, and then more as she came to see what it held. well, i returned back to town after several months, years earlier than i had thought. i hitchhiked to their house (i told you the venture failed...miserably...heheh) the first thing back. we went out for lunch, and over a picnic lunch in a cemetery(!) they confronted me about what they had found. i see little sense in denying things like this, once they happen. so we had a very frank discussion about my sexual attraction to young boys. one of the things that considerably helped was the fact that i am a christian. and not just someone who goes to church on sundays, but they have seen demonstrated that Christ is #1 in my life...and that is a fairly important thing to them. well, to make a long story short, we talked for a while and more or less figured out that life would pretty much go on as it had. i did not return to work for the same Christian org., so they were not faced with the decision of telling the director there (remember she is on the board). i am a part of their family...i am over their house many times each week, we share meals and discussions. they are very accepting and loving. they have four kids...one boy and three girls. they have no qualms about leaving me alone in the house with them, or about letting their son go places with me apart from them. the father often travels, and when he does, he asks me to check in on his family daily for him, and aid the mother in anything she needs a male to do. they ask me to housesit when the whole family travels... in short, they have not changed in their treatment of me very noticeably. we dont talk of my bl. i feel that it is not something they are completely comfortable with yet, or that they ever will be. occasionally the father will make random small remarks, or requests, or questions. for instance, i have a tattoo of a boylove symbol on my body. apparently he has done some research on the internet about BL's, because one day he asked me: what is that symbol? is it what i think it is? i says, what do you think it is? (not wanting to beat around the bush) he says, is it a man boy thing? i said yes, and that was that. several weeks later, he asked me as we were quietly sitting one night in their hosue, when are you going to get that tattoo removed? i says, i dont think that i will. but never any long discussions, just small things like that. the only thing that has changed around their house is that he requested that i not sleep in his son's room any more. (his son has two beds in his room, and occasionly i would crash there on some late nights.) he said this was not because of any fear on his part, but merely for his peace of mind. i understand that completely...(funny that it was his idea in the first place for me to crash there...heheh...like i had any objection!) it has been a great witness to me to be a part of this godly family. the Lord is truly #1 for them, and they live examples of His unconditional love and acceptance daily in their treatment of me. i have been outed to a fair number of people in my short life already. this has been one of the few times it has turned out well, for the most part. there are still some awkward moments, and since this revelation i am somewhat hesitant to be with any other boys when i see these parents...altho they know of my other YFs...still i feel awkward and almost ashamed when these parents see me with one of my other YF's. i wonder why that is, for i have nothing to be ashamed of. but the Lord has truly provided me with a family i can call myself part of. that is a great gift, for my own family is distant in both miles and relationships. i have been greatly blessed... and i thank the Lord entirely for this blessing... Praise you Father, you are most Holy and you provide my every need... Love, Scott |
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