The question recast
Submitted by Heather on October 8 2001 22:02:18
In reply to Being 'out' to parents and/or the boy submitted by Mark on October 8 2001 17:18:38
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When is it necessary for a gay to tell his friend's parents that he's gay? Answer: When he's dating his friend. Mind you, if he was attracted to his friend, I would expect him to not put himself into situations that the parents probably wouldn't want if they knew of the attraction, such as sleeping unsupervised in the same room with his friend. (I'm taking for granted that the person in question doesn't have control problems; if he does, then he has deeper troubles than figuring out whether to tell the friend's parents.) Aside from the above, I think that the rule that governs all humans applies in this situation: if there's no romantic or sexual relationship taking place, then your orientation is a private matter that you may disclose or not as you wish. I think that whether you would want to tell the parents would depend very much on the parents (it's like asking whether you should tell your pastor - the obvious reply is, "Which pastor?"). I don't think I need to lecture you on the advantages of openness where it's possible. :) The situation with the boy is harder. I've heard too many tales of boylovers regretting that they asked the boy to keep secrets from his parents to feel comfortable about this practice. It's one thing if the secret doesn't affect the boy's friendship with you - if you told him, for example, that you practiced a religion his parents didn't approve of - but asking him to keep the secret of your attraction or potential attraction to him is a bit much. As to whether you should tell him - well, from my vast experience in falling in love with guys I shouldn't have sexual relationships with, I'd say that it's iffy. If he's a strong-minded boy who has no intention of entering into a sexual relationship with you, even if you're attracted to him, then it could strengthen your friendship. But if he's attracted to you or is tempted to give you sexual pleasure out of friendship, I'd say that telling him would probably not be a good idea. So again, it depends on the boy. |
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