Yes, I did...
Submitted by Nate on October 10 2001 01:13:42
In reply to Re: What I meant by what I said submitted by F.O.D. on October 9 2001 09:36:01
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...but the situation was something out of a soap opera! Let me see if I can explain this in less that 100 words. D3 and his family came late to church and with them was 3of4, whose family used to attend our church, but left several years ago. I guessed - correctly - that 3of4 had spent the night with D3. Remember, they have been best friends since they were little. After church, I met them out in the lobby and stuck out my hand to give a hand shake to 3of4. He is my closest young friend, and knows me better than anybody ever has - which would make an interesting addition to the discussion above on coming out to yfs, if I get time. We are still very close, but 3of4 has asked for certain boundaries in our relationship. D3 saw me first and seemed to be disappointed as he stuck out his hand. I reached past him to shake 3of4's hand, then turned to D3 and raised both arms, indicating that I would like a hug. He smiled and stepped up to give me a strong embrace that felt like it was going to last a long time, but I broke it off. I was feeling very nervous - scared, I guess. The lobby was full of people, and I knew that the watchers were out there. I was afraid that what was in my heart was spilling out where others could see it. I wanted to express it to the boys, but hide it from the others. How could I express this love and desire in a way that D3 could understand and still not offend 3of4 - who can read me like a book, and already knows that I am interested in D3? It was impossible, so I just backed down, mostly avoiding eye contact, and talked with them about what they had been doing over the weekend. A little later, after some mingling in the crowd, my eyes finally did meet D3 from a distance and his face lit up suddenly in a big smile - the kind of smile that says, "I just remembered something funny about you!," or, "I am SO happy to see you!," or, "God just showed me how much he loves you!," or, "I am picturing you with your clothes off!" Of course I reacted with an even bigger grin and had to turn away and grin at the ceiling until I could regain some composure. I wonder if they were talking about me? I am not worried that 3of4 would tell stories about me, but what if D3 asked him some pointed questions? That evening I went for a visit to 3of4's house - kind of bending the rules, but not really. I don't take the boys out anymore, but I visit with the whole family - parents included. Actually, I spent most of the time with the youngest daughter, spotting her for hand-stands and back-bends - and working on my appreciation of the young girl lifeform. I tried to get a little information from 3of4 - "So, how is D3?" He kept changing the subject. After the third time, I figured he didn't want to talk about it, but there must be an "it" to not talk about! Anyway, whatever D3 is thinking, I have decided that I will just have to wait to find out. 3of4 was right when he said that D3 is "too good a friend to lose." I don't want to risk offending him, or embarrassing him in front of his family. I think that I have made it clear that I like him. But, my situation makes it impossible for me to try to spend time with him. If he wants to be closer, it would take some pretty bold action on his part to even make that possible. I wonder what lesson I am supposed to learn out of all this? Nate |
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