Questions I had when reading your post

1) Do you value your relationship with your boyfriend? Is it something that you'd like to continue, regardless as to whether there is a sexual element? Certainly there are couples who are celibate with each other, rare though this is. 2) Is the sexual element dead between you and your partner, or is it simply that you find boys more attractive than your partner? That type of situation isn't unusual; some gay men decide to remain married, even though they don't find their wives as sexually exciting as men, simply because they value the relationship. 3) Would your partner be upset if he knew that you were, say, thinking of other men in order to get aroused while you were making love to him? Or that you were having some sort of fetish fantasy while you were making love to him? We're really dealing with two issues here - whether you're sexually excited by your partner and whether you're sexually excited by boys - and it would be nice if you could deal with these matters one at a time. If your boyfriend wouldn't mind you having fantasies about other people in order to get aroused while having sex with him, then you'll be in a position to tackle more directly the issue of your attraction to boys. A nonpedophile acquaintance of mine told his wife several years ago that he was not sexually attracted to her; they're still married. And his position was worst than yours: he and his wife have no sex at all. The more important matter, it seems to me, is not the issue of sex but the issue of whether your partner could live with the fact that you're attracted to young boys. Certainly it's not the sort of thing you would want to announce without preparation - "Dear, could you pick up some groceries on the way home and oh, by the way, I'm attracted to five-year-olds." But with sufficient preparation you may be able to soften the impact; it might help if someone else in real life knows about your attraction and can be there to offer support to your boyfriend when the time comes for you to tell him. Because I'm afraid I have to disagree with Forgiven below; if you're in a committed relationship with your boyfriend, I don't see any way you can avoid telling him about something so essential about yourself. Unless, that is, this is simply a phase in your life, in which case you could struggle to get help on your own. But if this is something that's been with you for a long time and you don't anticipate it ending, honesty and integrity seems to require that you tell your boyfriend. You just need to prepare the groundwork carefully for that moment. When that time comes, you might want to refer your boyfriend over to Open Hands (linked below), which is a nonBL discussion board for friends and families of minor-attracted adults. There aren't going to be many places where your friend can go for support (which he will assuredly need) and this is the best one I know of. In fact, if you decide to tell him, you might want to post at Open Hands yourself and ask the nonpedophiles there what sort of approach they would have appreciated when their minor-attracted acquaintances told them about their attraction. Heather [E-mail]   [Home Page] Open Hands