Hope you do come back here again
Submitted by Jules on October 30 2001 16:02:55
In reply to New guest submitted by Martin on October 30 2001 02:11:49
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Martin, So glad you've found this site. There must be thousands of others out there around the world who need it but haven't yet made it here. I've been through Bible college recently, and know something about the pressure of being supposed to be spiritual, when I know I'm not particularly at all, if that's something you can relate to! I think I agree with Heather that you need to distinguish between what you find attractive (i.e. boys) and how you deal with it (i.e. sexual obsession). From my own experience, I'd also say the way you know you're able to distinguish between the two is when you find you no longer feel guilty for finding boys attractive. I've been through a stage so much like the one you're in now, but have learnt to relax about it. I actually now find I can praise God for the beauty of boys with a clear conscience, because I really believe all beauty comes from God. All this pleading with God that you talk about suggests to me that you don't really feel forgiven or accepted, even though you say you do. Maybe you still have quite a severe image of God from teaching you had in your childhood? The sort of God who only forgives you if you work hard at demonstrating that you're sorry? Well, you really have to come to the point where you believe that God loves you and accepts you as you are, even if you never change! Even if you carry on messing about again. Just as he would with someone who never gets over having a short temper. You really have to get to the point where you see it in that way, as just one sin among many there are in the world. It takes courage, and it may take some 'unlearning' of unecessary reactions in your conscience. Of course, all sin is sin, and not to be made light of, but maybe you need to see that sin is our whole state of being, not just specific weaknesses. The gospel that you've spent time living out as a doctor is a gospel of radical acceptance in the face of sin, not one that requires a certain type of repentance. Jesus enjoyed the company of sinners rather than the religious. How about seeing yourself as one of them. "I'm a sinner and Jesus enjoys spending time with me." One last thought - what's so bad about your wife knowing you've visited this site, if she already knows about your attraction? Your kids, I can understand your concern, but maybe at some point, when you're ready to do so, it would be helpful to show her some of the help you're getting here. That's all supposing you do find some help here, of course! I really hope you do. Keep in touch. With Christian love, Jules |
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