Re: Thank you, thankyou, THANKYOU!

"Actually several counsellors and therapists have advised me NOT to talk to her about it - said it's really quite abnormal, unhealthy and unhelpful to talk to your wife about how things are going with your desire for young guys." I'm beginning to see why you've been having problems with your therapists. What's abnormal or unhealthy about sharing with your closest companion struggles that you're undergoing? If you were an alcoholic, presumably these same therapists wouldn't advise you to hide from your wife your daily struggles to remain sober. They would certainly not advise you to sneak off to your meetings with the AA (which is essentially what you're doing in sneaking off to seek out peer support to help you with your sexual control problems). On the other hand, I can see that certain approaches to such a discussion would be unhelpful, and certainly you wouldn't want to place the full burden of your life's troubles upon your wife, particularly since it's in an area where she herself is likely to feel emotional conflict. So hopefully, as you find others with whom you can talk about this, you can develop the right balance in sharing your life with your wife. My advice is that, when you have a quiet moment, you mention to your wife that you've been posting at an online support and accountability group as a way to continue to strengthen your marriage. That wouldn't be thrusting your sexual feelings in her face, because if she didn't want to talk about it, she'd say, "Fine," and change the subject. But I think that any attempt to make major changes in your life without alerting your spouse is bound to have negative effects in the end, because it brings about a breakdown in trust. Heather [E-mail]   [Home Page]