Seasons
Submitted by Collin on November 12 2001 11:52:15
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Wow. I just got off the phone with Max, and I don't know what to say. I feel at peace with the whole world right now. I've not posted much about Max here, nor any of my other YoungFriends. I guess I've been having somewhat of a dry spell, and I was to the point that my attempts at BoyMoments turned sour and I stepped away from posting. Let me back up. Max is 16, and my first YoungFriend. We've known each other for near 5 years now, though it wasn't until two years ago that we became close enough to consider him an actual 'YoungFriend.' For a period of time we became closer and closer, spending every moment we could in each other's presence. Eventually we became so close that we were inseparable. His friends knew me as his older brother, his family even officially 'adopted' me in. For a while, I thought things were perfect. That is, until we became too close. Our fights started to become more frequent and soon the relationship was on the rocks. It was a hard break, and both of us felt hurt very deep. Even as it happened, I don't think I cried more than twice though. While it didn't make me feel better, I knew that it wasn't for good. The love we have is indescribable- simply put I guess we're soul mates. I don't use the term often, but that deep seated love that overcomes anything and everything in it's path; the love that mends even the most damaged hearts; it's shared only among what I'd consider honest to God 'soul mates'. The time we spent apart allowed both of us the opportunity we needed to step back and see where we went wrong, and where we went right. After a few months apart he contacted me again. Things have been awkward at first, but (though I thought it impossible) we've actually grown closer than before. It's simply amazing how both of us have changed and continue to change from year to year. This weekend I spent well over 15 hours with another family. A family I've known for three years, and yet am just getting close to. The family dynamics are very intense at times, and it's tenacity is matched only by it's uniqueness. There are 13 kids in the family, with the oldest helping to raise the youngest. At the head of the family is Mom, a down to earth but overly trusting woman who you'd never want to get on the wrong side of. As for the fathers, I doubt even the kids know how many there are, or where they're at now. None of them come around anymore, from what I know. Forgive me, but I'll need to refer to them all by letters- there's no way I'd remember that many nicknames. I have a hard enough time just getting their REAL ones straight :) While I interact with the girls, and all of them without exception need someone around, there are roughly five boys that have 'chosen' me. A5 and B4 are two very adorable boys. Being very close in age they are always moments away from either fighting or being best friends, often ending up with a bit of both at the same time. Then there's C11, one of the boys I've spent the most time with so far. He's sort of the 'middle child' in regards to his relationships in the family, while he takes part in things he remains as 'neutral' as possible. His older brother R13 and his younger brother R9 seem to be given to the strongest emotions, and are constantly at odds with each other as A5 and B4 are though often with much harder feelings held between them. B4 has an insatiable need to communicate. From the moment I walk in the door to the moment I walk out he's nothing but non-stop chatter. He reportedly has had some developmental delays, but his intensity and strong will don't often betray it. While he loves to talk, he's still got a very strong 'little boy accent' that makes him “bewy hawd ta fowo” at times. B is the follower of the group, and he idolizes his older brother A5. He seeks to just be heard and cared for. He's very much a rough and tumble boy, and no doubt he'll excel in sports given the chance. A5 is a very special boy. He was born with a disability/disease that, while curable, has led to a rough time growing up so far. What strikes me first about him is not his disability, but how bright he is. I had to ask his age twice, and even then I verified it with his older sister, before I would believe him. He's just soaking up every opportunity he gets to learn, and even given his situation he's already he's far beyond his years. He's very clearly the thinker of the group, and his passion for knowledge will lead him far. He seeks a companion and teacher to explore life with. A5 reminds me of myself in a way, and while I know him least among the whole group I have no doubt that in the future things will be different. R9, while not being chronologically youngest, is the baby of the family. Though his temperament is often quiet, it's also stormy and quick to explode to life. He seeks attention and friendship, as well as protection from his big brother :-) R9 is most definitely the feeler of the family. He's quick to tears, smiles, and anger. His zeal for life catches my attention, and his heart calls me to his defense often. C11 was the boy I first noticed. His smile is infectious and the light in his eyes dances like spitfire. While he is less reserved than his brother R9, he is much more reflective on the whole. He is an 'average' boy, and mostly tries not to cause (too many) problems. He seeks a best friend. I think there's a lot more than meets the eye in him, of all the boys he's the most sly- for lack of a better word. Being a cross between a feeler and a thinker C stands out as someone with great potential for leadership if can keep himself out of trouble. D13 strikes me as being very much a teenager. Strong emotions, self doubt, and a very guarded desire for relationship are what come to mind first. D13's sense of disillusionment is stronger than the other boys, and his anger runs deeper. While he has a few walls up, he's clearly reaching out for me to reach in. I'm not sure where this relationship will end up going. While I will put effort into it I already have Max to deal with. He needs a father and mentor. Just entering the adolescent years D13 is still trying to find himself, and while I place him as a feeler he's been shot down enough in life that he has a hard time expressing it very well. All of these boys are so very special and beautiful, I consider myself blessed beyond words to be able to have a part in their lives. There's a very long road ahead, and I know I'm going to be in need of some major backup along the way. Though I guess I've identified what each is uniquely seeking, they all are seeking an AF. My desire is that as things progress I can keep those who care informed, and receive support and camaraderie along the way. The online BoyLove communities have been a great place to read and relax for the past few months, I hope that I'll receive a warm welcome as I take a more active part. Dive deep, seek peace, love forever, Collin Maxwell |
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