Re: an addendum to my post

Boy, did I get the wrong impression from your first post - I thought you were talking about French kissing. Instead, it turns out we're talking about a peck on the cheek. :) Let's talk culture here. In our society, it is acceptable (according to Miss Manners) for adults to kiss children briefly on nonsexual places like the forehead and cheek. Presumably, the same rules apply to the children. So from a cultural point of view, you two appear to be doing fine. (Keep discouraging your young friend about the mouth-kisses, not because there would be anything wrong if he did it in another culture, but for the simple reason that it's not socially acceptable here. You might explain that to him.) But your line about you helping to initiate the kissing has me a bit worried. If I'm attracted to a friend I shouldn't have sex with, and he and I kiss each other on occasion, it *could* just be that we're affectionate folks and we naturally express our affection in platonic kisses. But if it's more than that - if I'm subconsciously trying to change the nature of our relationship or if, god help me, I'm using this as a way to get turned on - then there is indeed reason to worry. So I guess my question would be a simple one: Assuming that you're not attracted to girls, is this the sort of thing you would do with a young girl that you were fond of? If not, then that's a warning sign. If it is - if you're simply a touchy-feely sort of person who naturally expresses himself in this manner - then all you need to worry about is (1) making sure your kisses aren't misinterpreted by others, and (2) making sure the kisses stay platonic on both sides. In regards to (1), my suggestion would be that you talk to the parents about this. It wouldn't be strange for a family friend to say to a boy's parents, "Your son is fond of kissing me on the cheek occasionally - I don't mind him doing this, but I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't violating any family customs by allowing him to do this." In regards to (2): You know your sexual control better than I do, so I can't offer any specific suggestions, just general advice that you find a way to keep an objective perspective on how you behave. Farther down the index, somebody here said that, in situations where he might be tempted, he pretended that Jesus was watching him; that kept him alert to when he was going over the line. It's also possible to visualize some man or woman you admire being present. Perhaps the boys' parents. :) Having put all these heavy-duty chains upon you, let me assure you that one of my reasons for doing so was to free you from the chain of unnecessary guilt you seem to have placed upon yourself. My general rule on sexual matters I don't think I should be pursuing - such as lusting after other people's wives :) - is that, if the feeling is voluntary, I curb it; if it's involuntary, I don't worry about it. That would be as silly as a boy worrying because he has an unintentional erection while in math class. Bodies have a mind of their own, and as long as you let them know who's in charge, you needn't worry about them occasionally tugging at your sleeve and saying, "Remember me! Remember me!" They're like boys that way. :) So as long as you're acting in a manner acceptable to society and the boy's family, and as long as you have ways in which you keep continual control of yourself, for heaven's sake, stop feeling guilty because you're attracted to someone you think it would be wrong to have sex with. Billions of people in the world today are in the same situation as you, and most of them aren't attracted to children. Heather (who's glad to meet you) Heather [E-mail]   [Home Page]