At first 'safer', then a habit
Submitted by Forgiven on December 2 2001 04:38:02
In reply to Re: Do you feel this way too? submitted by Tigris on December 1 2001 20:26:13
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I'd tend to argue that for me the pattern was that at a crucial stage in the teenage years I got into a friendship with a younger boy. That was the most important thing in my life - which was otherwise miserable and filled with bullying. But the relationships with boys were what made life living, so it became a habit. One feature of it was that it was safer - you were more in control - or so it seemed. But after that it became a habit - I got used to and good at spending time with boys; that was where I got affirmation from. So I tended to spend more time with them, and less with peers..... To some extent that is still true; I spend almost no quality time on a regular basis with people my own age - it's usually people a bit or a lot younger. Having arrived in my 40s, that definition includes people now in their early 30s, one of whom has been part of my life since he was 16.... I think it is true to say that as a result there is quality to the relationship that is lacking in people I've not known since they were that age; the interesting question is whether that is a good thing or not! But certainly one strategy that I've followed over the years is seeking to develop links with older boys rather than younger, so that gradually my Age of Attraction has risen to the point where I'm well into the legal range - but also into the range where inviting them round doesn't raise issues for parents!! |
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