Hope
Submitted by Lonely J on December 3 2001 01:16:28
In reply to Re: Keep Coming Back... submitted by Chris on November 30 2001 17:10:10
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Dear Chris, Thanks so much for the message of hope. Each time I attempted suicide it wasn’t the horrors of the past or the present that were of most importance, but the bleakness of the future. Other biblical stories/passages that helped me during my incarceration were Naomi’s sufferings in Moab (Ruth 1:3-21), Hannah’s depression (1 Samuel 1:1-2:11), Psalm 88, much of Jeremiah, all of Lamentations and Habakkuk, and Hebrews 12:1-13. Shortly after my incarceration, I was given a desk calendar with biblical passages for each day. I immediately flipped to my release date and found the following passage: Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; ..he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. ..Blessed are all who wait for him! …..Isaiah 30:18 Month after month I kept turning to that passage for comfort. Upon my release, while things were tough, He did not disappoint. I was able to go back home, I got a job six days after I got out of prison, the probation officer I was assigned to turned out to be a Christian, all of my belongings that the police had seized during their investigation were returned and my life slowly returned to some semblance of normality. I admit that until recently I have not been a big fan of the Apostle Paul – mainly because of the references to homosexuality in his letters. While I’m not gay in the sense of being attracted to adult or even teenage males, homosexual pedophilia likely falls under the umbrella of what’s being addressed. I remember once reading Romans 1:26-32 and being so filled with rage that I ripped that particular Bible up and threw it against my bedroom wall. Having since reconciled those passages (since I believe in biblical inerrancy) with my boy love worldview, I no longer harbor any anger towards Paul and really began to identify with him after watching Acts (Visual Bible) and reading about his own suffering, especially first person in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. Going out tends to depress me more than staying at home, especially if I see boys – it’s a constant reminder of untold friendships that I threw away because of my own stupidity. Being more cynical than optimistic, I admit that when I read of your light at the end of the tunnel, I picture the fast-moving freight train coming towards me. Nevertheless, I hold onto hope in God – the only thing I have – and keep plugging away at life. I will keep coming back here to both receive and give love, help and support. Thanks again for all of these that you have given me. Take care and God bless, J |
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