A small victory!
Submitted by tigris on December 3 2001 21:52:51
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Hey guys. I have some thoughts that I want to share. If you remember, I was the one that posted a couple of days ago about obsessing over an 11 year old. It really bothers me that he is the most important thing to me and I can’t get my mind off of him. I feel that I have been convicted of that recently, so I was searching for ways to start to overcome this. Here’s what I realized. I can’t feel guilty every time that this kid enters my mind. It’s going to happen, no matter what I do. My choice is how I react to it. Do I allow myself to dwell on this or not? There are times that it’s ok to dwell on it. To think about the fun things we’ve done and the difference in his life since I’ve met him and gotten to know him. To think about the things he has said to me and about me. There’s a time and a place for everything, it says in Ecclesiastes. The problem is when that’s all that I think about. To try to quit “cold turkey” would be nearly impossible and would be very frustrating to me. Besides, I don’t think that I want to stop thinking about him all together. There’s really no harm in thinking about him some. That being said, and now that I have a different approach, here’s what happened tonight. My mind tonight started going back to him and my relationship with him. I felt at that time it would be best to try to stop and move on to something else. I say this because my thoughts were starting to become inappropriate. My innocent thoughts were turning into sinful fantasies. A verse that I read recently came to mind. Psalm 18:18 says “They attacked me at a moment when I was weakest, but the Lord upheld me.” I feel that Satan was attacking me at that moment of weakness. I claimed that verse and spoke (out loud) to God, saying that he was going to have to help me here and uphold me in my moment of weakness. And you know what? The thoughts stopped. And they haven’t come back all night. This is the first time in a long time that I don’t feel guilty or sinful in front of God. I feel complete in Him tonight, and I don’t feel the longing to be with this kid. I feel that, for tonight, God gave me a taste of what it is like to rely on his strength and grace to get me through. I know that I have a long way to go before I am free from some of the bondage I am in. (There’s more to my background than I have said.) But I also know that the journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. And I am one step closer. Remember me in your prayers, if I come to mind. Something is going on, something big. I don’t want to lose this. I’m going to see him tomorrow, so I could start the downward spiral again. Any thoughts? tigris |
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