If your YF's parents only knew... ?
Submitted by Splash! on December 13 2001 06:04:34
In reply to Re: Hey Jules submitted by Dakota on December 13 2001 02:14:21
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Dakota, sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with him. I had some good affectionate moments with my YF also, when he was 9, 10 and 11. He'd sit in my lap and I'd talk with him. We'd lean up against each other watching tv or even in church. I'd pat his leg at certain parts of the message, and at home I'd sometimes rub his feet. As he got older, he became less affectionate except for a few surprises here and there -- things done in private like saying "I love you" or giving me a hug when I wasn't expecting one. Sometimes when I'd say my goodnights to him, I'd pet his eyebrows, rub the side of his face, or put my hand through his hair. At 13 and 14, he still liked this. But many times around his friends he acted like I was no one special, which hurt, but still I was okay with it because I knew better, and, of course, he knew I knew. So, in a way, his keeping me secret made me feel special. But there were also the rare occasions when I'd drive by his school, and he'd be out playing with his friends during phys ed and he'd smile and wave at me. His friends would all stop and look at me to see who I was. He did that at a basketball game also when he was 13. That made me feel very special since he didn't care (at those times) what others thought. Your experience with your YF's mom is strangely similar to my relationship with my YF's mom. If I showed him too much attention, she'd get suspicious about my true feelings for him, but then she thought I was good for him and encouraged us to be together more, and then she'd say he was getting too emotionally attached with me and asked me to back off, and then she'd ask me to spend even more time with him because his behavior was getting bad, and then she was jealous that he and I got along so well, and then she was thankful that he was so good around me, and then she was worried why I had this influence on him, and then she was comforted by it, and then she was cautious of it, and then she was hopeful for it, and then... She never seemed to know exactly what I was to him, and still doesn't to this day. One moment she wants me to have nothing to do with him, and the next moment she says, "You really need to talk with him." Like your YF's mom, she also spent time questioning her son about me, and then she'd try to trick me by saying, "He told me everything..." and I'd give her a look, "So?" And then she'd say, "My son says wonderful things about you. I'm glad you're in his life." I wouldn't say she or I are schizophrenic -- but instead I think the back-and-forth feelings come from people not being able to decide whether a "boylover" is good for their children or not. I never told her I was one, but if I did, I think she would've thought her son was in danger of me doing something sexual with him and perhaps messing up his sexuality. I really didn't want her to unneccessarily worry about these things (which would most likely lead to some unproductive restrictions in my interactions with him, messing up the good work I was doing in his life). But I did tell her many times that I loved her son, and she told me that her son told her that he loved me also. She was happy about this, but had concerns about my being "in love" with him and his being "attached" to me. She didn't want it to go too far, and there was no way I could promise her that it wouldn't. I knew it wouldn't, but she didn't know. How do you convince a YF's parents that you only "love" their child and nothing more? They'll have their doubts. Which is good. It shows that they also have love and concern for their children. I just don't want to add to their doubts. So, you'll never catch me revealing all the underlying "affections" I have for someone's child. I don't see the good it would do. |
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