gaining respect
Submitted by Splash! on December 13 2001 06:37:56
In reply to Re: Feeling empty . . . submitted by JackWade on December 13 2001 05:23:00
| Jack is right. This a big leap for you in your relationship with the boys. This is where you gain their respect. As boylovers, we often appear wimpy by giving-in to every wish a boy has, but sometimes we need to take a stand and go against their wishes by doing something that might hurt them but results in even a greater good for them. They will eventually see this and have more respect for you. My YF (11 years old) got to the point where he thought he could get away with anything around me, and it came to a point that I had to show him that I wanted the best for him even if it went against his wishes. For awhile he was hanging out with some bad friends, and even though he was grounded, he was going to sneak out of the house to be with these friends. I stopped him from leaving. He got mad at me. I sent him to his mother's room to talk with him. He didn't want to talk. He pushed past me. I held him back. He spit in my face. I turned him over and gave him a few good swats on his butt. He was surprised and scared. Tears formed in his eyes. I told him to go to his room, and he went. I was really worrying whether we'd still be friends after that. But you know what happened? He became much more talkative with me, calling me at work, and telling me things in private about personal feelings -- our relationship took a new direction. It wasn't just a "fun" relationship anymore. He found out that I really did care about him and I gained a lot more respect from him. Our talks were about more serious issues. I thought we were close before, but now we were really close. I'm not saying that you spank your YF -- my situation was a bit different since I was his mother's boyfriend, had known them for years, and she had told me she needed my help in disciplining him. And it wasn't the spanking that made the difference anyway -- it was the fact that I stood up against him for his better interest. Kids need to know you really care about them, and sometimes that means not letting them do what they want to do since we, as adults, know what's in their best interest. After this happened my YF, he started asking me questions like, "Would you spank me if I did this...?" or "Would you spank me if I did that...?" He wanted to discuss limits. Kids need to have limits. It makes them feel loved and secure, no matter how they may act at the time they try to push beyond those limits. They will respect you more in the end if you stay strong and hold firm to the boundaries of your relationship with them -- boundaries which are in place for their safety, protection, and greatest good. That's probably your next step -- to tell them you did what you did because you loved them, and then you can discuss other actions you might take depending upon what they might do. Tell them that you'd take these actions because of your care and concern for them. Show them in advance, so when something like this happens again, then they'll remember and understand. |
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