Just found you
Submitted by Muradsman on December 21 2001 21:15:27
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Hey, what a blessing it was to "stumble" upon this group a couple days ago! I found it through a link. I am a boy lover (Started noticing boys in junior high, and still checking out Jr high boys)and a "born again Christian." I know to most people that sounds like an oxy-moron. I have dedicated my life to the Lord, and promised a life of Children's ministry. While I am not excited about the fact of being a BL, I rejoice in the fact Christ died for my sins, and my eternity is assured. I also rejoice in the fact that, despite my strong love for boys, and pure joy of being with them, over the years I have been blessed wieth wonderful friendships with boys and the grace of knowing when "enough is enough." I have never crossed any "physical boundries with a boy (even though my heart was really wanting more.) I have been able to enjoy the company of fun, wonderful, beautiful, exciting young boys and keeping a healthy relationship on the outside, while somethimes, no, honestly, quite often, on the inside I would have great fantasies of the boys I know. I guess the fear of jail, and the desire to not act out on my "lusts" to harm the boy or myself have been motive enough to know when to say no. I am so excited at finding thing group. I try very hard to stand firm in my Christian walk, and on the outside, things look great. On the inside, I struggle. I have not asked God to make boys the most beautiful, sensual beings in my eyes. Instead, I ask God to allow me to love and respect them, but help me to not look at them in a sinful, lustful way. After all, Christ died on the cross to forgive our sins, He didn't eliminate them. Again, I praise God for being 42 and never have touched or acted inapropriate with any boy. Nor can I honestly explain to the couple that asked if they could spend the night with me. I didn't want to tell them that I didn't want to "test myself." I thought if they are not in my house, I can't do anything I would regret. I usually some up with a good sounding excuse. Well, I have babbled on and I am sorry. I just wanted to let you know a little about me should I respond to any of the posts. As I read the posts I feel like saying, "Did I write that?" I am amased at how many of my feelings, emotions, and "confussions" are addressed here. While you may not see my name attached to a lot of responses, do know that I will be reading, supporting and praying as and when needed. God Bless you all! Muradsman |
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