Re: Sometimes the docs get it right!
Submitted by tigris on January 4 2002 17:51:52
In reply to Sometimes the docs get it right! submitted by Forgiven on January 4 2002 17:00:56
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Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. I told one of my friends who has been diagnosed with depression about some of what I am going through. He doesn't know about the BL though. He told me that it sounds like the beginning of depression, and he strongly suggested getting some help. Yeah, that's probably a good idea, but I am afraid that I won't really be able to get the help that I really need unless I divulge all of my secrets. I am not ready to do that. But I want to be helped. This is horrible. By the way, today was a much better day. I started off the day reading the Bible and really asking God to help me. I am realizing more and more that I am so afraid of losing the affection of my YF. I am starting, I think, to become less obsessed with him. I'm not over it yet, but I am partly there. I'm starting to take some of his distance with me less personally. He has been through a lot of changes, and I know that the way he is treating me is not necessarily a reflection of how he feels about me. He is really immature and doesn't always know how to handle things when they don't go his way. He sometimes takes it out on me. As I mentioned before, he has started to make some bad choices and has gotten more and more involved in some things that he shouldn't be. He knows what I stand for, and I think that he is turning away from me somewhat because he knows that I won't put up with anything from him. So I guess I should take it as a compliment because he really knows me and he sees my good character. But it hurts. I won't lie. To put so much into someone only to see them get worse and then to see them turn against you in the process really really hurts. I think that I'm grieving. I don't know if you would call it all depression. That's where I am right now. The depression stage. I just keep thinking back to the "good old days" when I was really important to him. Before he became "corrupted" he was a really good, fun kid. Now, things are different. It's hard guys, really hard. I am trying not to take it personally. I think that I really know that it shouldn't take it personally, but it's hard not to. My mind knows it but my heart doesn't. It does help to vent here. Typing out my feelings helps me to process them. I could really use your support right now. Please let me know that you are there and that you care. It sometimes feels that no one cares. It would mean a lot to know that you are still there for me. Thanks guys. tigris |
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