Re: About Fear...
Submitted by JackWade on January 9 2002 04:15:43
In reply to Re: About Fear... submitted by Gentle Giant on January 8 2002 22:24:40
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Gentle Giant said, "I just want to wake up and all of this had been a bad dream. Some mornings I wake up and for a few seconds, I forget it all. I lay there and actually have a smile on my inside. Then it floods back in. I am a BL. I have hurt people. People I loved most in life, or at least thought I did. I have let God down. I let myself down. I suck. And there is no promise I will not do it all again if the opportunity arises. Desire not to.....yes. But I know me. And I know the enemy. He will hound me with this forever. He is relentless. There will be no peace. Peace. My god, what is that? What is it like to go a day and not have these feelings? What is it to go to sleep each night not having had your day racked with guilt and shame? What do others feel who have a real relationship with God that I have only preached about? I long to know, but know I never will. I am sorry." To Gentle Giant, I have to say that this is exactly how I feel. I am in Torment everyday over the same thing. I wish I could be "NORMAL" just one day and have thoughts like my comrads and be able to say honestly that the woman that just walked by me turns me on. Hang in there Mr. Giant! You're life has a purpose. And I'm going to shutup before I say something rediculous! Love, JackWade |
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