Re: Nothing to be sorry about....
Submitted by Gentle Giant on January 9 2002 20:33:49
In reply to Re: Nothing to be sorry about.... submitted by Chris on January 9 2002 12:56:45
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Thanks Chris, I know it was hard to tell that story. I am glad you are doing better. Of course the emotional dependant in me is saying, "Hey I got a whole house full of furniture and just need someone to share it with!" Actually, I wish I did have someone to live with who understood me and would sharpen me to do what I know is right and want to do. Living alone allows one to dabble and cross lines that should not be crossed. But It can be a real co-dependant thing also. I don't know what I am going to do Chris. My YF called me and is in big trouble back home. He may get sent off to youth offender camp for two years for some drug stuff. He begged me to let him go with me wherever that would be. But I know I can't help him. I need help myself. It is an utter nightmare to know that either way I will hurt this YF whom I love like a son. I spent way too much time today finding a way to end it all and was able to come up with a doable plan. I think of it alot still but have tried to keep busy packing and getting things ready to move into storage on Saturday. The idea then of sitting in my car and not knowing which direction to go terrifies me. My hand has begun to shake like Tom Hanks in Saving Private Ryan. It is horrible. I don't think we have talked before since I am really new at this. I use the name cause I am a big fella but inside I am pretty laid back. I have so much love to offer but it always seems to come out the wrong way or ends up twisted. I don't know how much longer I can write Chris. But I will try. Thanks for writing to me. Gentle Giant |
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