Love, lust and appearance
Submitted by Forgiven on January 27 2002 05:28:38
In reply to When young friends grow old submitted by tigris on January 26 2002 22:08:34
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from a thoeretical perspective - and I write having achieved this so far, but possibly only because circumstances have panned out like this - we should always aim to be there for him to the same extent, whether he is in our AoA or not. To a large extent this comes about naturally - as they get older they are likely to develop other interests and we will, like a parent, become less important; indeed if we have done a good job as an AF, they will be better equipped to deal with adults than most youngsters. We owe it to them not to push them away, but as they get closer to being adults the normal rules of friendships fading or altering quality apply. Admittedly I've got it easy here - with an AoA that drifts past 20 (my YF is now 21) it's not really such a problem for me. But I think that part of the reason that he is still my YF is that I have grown to love him as he is, not because of what he looks like. Another way of looking at it is to recognise that we are looking at two different paradigms - of being their 'parent / older brother' and being their 'boyfriend'. Their experience (expecially when younger) is of having 'family' type relationships - which are not transitory and emotionally driven; as a result we have a duty to be as permanent as their family should be.... Yes, that is a counsel of perfection, yes it's not easy, yes I'm challenging others to do something I haven't achieved. I still think it's the 'right' answer...... |
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