Re: Looks like I've still got problems
Submitted by hopesalive on January 27 2002 13:40:48
In reply to Looks like I've still got problems submitted by Altima on January 26 2002 19:35:38
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This post was shocking simply because of how much I can relate to it. Life has felt empty for me for a while now. I can't say that I truly uncerstand what is going on within me. It used to happen in short bursts, then life would break back through and I would blindly follow it till the next time I fell off a cliff. This has been my life. It seems that, although these times are dark, they give me a better vantage point on life. I realize that it is the world fading away. It has no meaning. That is why I feel so out of place in it. This, in some sense, is appropriate at this stage in my walk with God. I easily lose my fire for God. I can have a strong spiritual experience, but the next day I get up with school on my mind. Then, it is my own interests. Before long, the Bible is a loose list of rules rather than an eternal focus on pleasing God. You see, our passion for working so well should come from knowing that it is part of God's plan, rather than the worldly or just human reasons that are so natural. I always dreamed of acting as a child. I had dreams that I was an actor frequently, and often felt as if I was living the wrong life. This idea was not hooked on Haley, but on Macauley Culkin. He is my age, so I kind of felt that he had taken my life. He was where I knew I should be. I was not meant to live such a small life. Greatness was bursting from me, and smallness was invading my soul. I could not find my feet. I was nowhere. I am afraid that I still am, but God is showing me things that I have always ignored. School awards are ackward. I have been given the ability to succeed so easily in what God has given me, but somehow it seems wrong. I am somewhere else, bowing before the beatiful skys of the masses. I pray that you find true freedom and focus. Thank you for talking here. I know I have never talked to you, but still... I love you. Me |
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