Not all of us
Submitted by F.O.D. on February 2 2002 07:56:14
In reply to We're all different submitted by Jules on February 1 2002 14:37:27
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Your "girl-desire repression" is something that makes sense to me. Not that I'm inclined to "blame" it for my BL, but it can see something in it in my life. I always had this concept of being "chaste" towards girls, being a gentlemen and a knight and showing them honour, mainly because of what I was taught about sexuality, that a relationship with a girl was something special (in other words, premarital sex with a girl is no good) and not to be taken cheaply. But it never occured to me that there might be something wrong with masturbating with another boy - that seemed as natural as masturbating myself. The thought of it, at least - I never did a have friend who actually wanted to do it with me*. Curiously, I always held myself somewhat superior to other boys, that I could hold girls with such respect and not be overwhelmed with lust over them like other boys were. I had this conscious sense of wanting to grow spending time with God and getting to know him, rather than chasing after the girls. Only with hindsight I observe that I was able to so successfully control my lust for them because I actually wasn't particularly interested in them! For me, I tend to think my BL feelings came from a screwed up mixture of fatherly/brotherly/mentoring intentions for younger ones, combined with the church environment preventing me from developing healthy (dating) relationships with male peers. That, and the fact that teenage boys are so damn hot. Fod * or else I was too scared to pursue a friend - scared of being laughed at and ridiculed. Or the one time one boy did seem interested, but I spurned his interest, not wanting to fall into Immorality. |
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