Dear Ben, whooo-ooo! You have been reading my private journal, or my mind or something! My life flashed before my eyes as I read your post! I know too the pain of a day totally wasted as I have tried to do just the basic stuff of my existence, only to come alive at the prospect of a real or fantasised interraction with a nice boy! My motivation levels vary, and often it has been just that BL motivation that gets me out of bed and into work (I work with kids). All I can say is that God has used my motivations in many positive ways in amongst the struggles, as I am sure he has you. I guess I just trust that as I live my life a day at a time for Him, that He can use me, cracked vessel that I am, to channel His great love into a cold and hungry world! Thanks for your honesty and for the genuinely kind and thoughtful person you seem to be! I love reading your posts. Hang in there! Sardis |