to ben, tigris, and others
Submitted by Splash! on February 6 2002 01:16:50
In reply to For Ben and everyone else too submitted by tigris on February 5 2002 18:34:44
| I've been thinking a lot about Ben's post also. It's hard to admit that I still find myself in places like that -- in a place where I feel so alone, not knowing who I am, where I am, why I am. To me, it often happens around three in the morning, and at different times during the weekend when I'm away from people. God speaks so strongly to me at those times, perhaps because it's the only time when I'm able to listen. During the day, I get so caught up with the work I do with young teens. I know I'm fulfilling a purpose in their lives. Today, a boy called me up on the phone at work to connect with me, telling me about some problems he had at home and how he's been able to overcome some of them. He said he's coming to work a couple hours with me tomorrow. Also today, another boy told me it was his 13th birthday, so I ran over to the computer, and two minutes later I gave him a colorful personalized birthday card. I told him, "And you thought I forgot?" You should've seen his smile!! I know God gave me this job to speak into their lives. Satan's wish is to pervert my calling. I know that's why I deal with these lustful feelings. Just as God planned for Jesus to be born of a certain pure lineage, which Satan tried to pervert on many occasions -- in the same way Satan tries to pervert the plans God has for me. The people I work with say I've done a lot of good for these teens. Someone asked me last week why I've been so successful, and I gave the credit to the organization. This same person came up to me later that night and said, "I know the success is because of you. I've heard a lot of good things about you." But as a Christian I can't boast about myself. It's not me! All glory goes to God. It's because of Him that I've been able to do good in these kids' lives. Amen? And Ben, I know you see the benefits in your youth group. But like you, at the end of the day, I get that same kind of feeling. It's almost like I feel guilty for seemingly having my focus more on the boys than on God. At times like this, I know I need to get into prayer more, and read the Bible more. Just talking with God and being in His presence brings me peace. Writing a journal like tigris did, is also very helpful -- it's another way of communicating with God, plus it helps us see things more objectively. (By the way, tigris, thank you very much for posting your personal thoughts. It's like a song, very beautiful!) There's nothing like feeling totally at peace with God and being intimate (and in communion) with Him. So, I guess these lonely (and/or guilty) feelings might not be so bad, as long as we seek to get to know God more because of them. |
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