Re: For Ben and everyone else too
Submitted by Ben on February 9 2002 09:01:29
In reply to For Ben and everyone else too submitted by tigris on February 5 2002 18:34:44
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Hey tigris, Sorry for the delayed response here. I have gotten behind in my posting. I do believe that you are right on in your understanding of loneliness and of trying to fill that loneliness with boys (an inherently fleeting entity) instead of Jesus. It is entirely important though to realize that God does want us to be involved in boys lives, after all it is he who has planted this passion in our hearts. But he doesn't want us to fill our needs with them, as much as he wants us to fill our needs with him (God). This is the goal anyway, but as Jesus said in Matthew 26:41, "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." Sometimes when I am driving home in the early evening, I pass through a long stretch of large family homes which have alot of glass windows. No, I am not peeping into them, but you can pretty much see families getting ready for dinner or all sitting in a particular room around dinnertime. I think to myself how accustomed I am to coming home to an empty house when most people don't do that. I suppose that the old saying about admitting it being the first step is true. To live in the awareness of these imperfections is allowing God to work in them. I am just guessing about that, but it makes sense that it would have to be the first step. So here I am, at a crossroads. My whole identity is based upon my insecurities. I don't know where to go from here, but I need to trust God to bring me to the point of knowing where to go next. Something has got to change. I cannot keep living like this. To go from high to low, back and forth, is too much. I know that even if these feelings are not going to go away totally, this is not where God wants me to be anyway. I need to move forward and change what I'm doing. I need to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. But I don't know how . . . Wow, I have prayed this prayer practically all of my Christian life (and in some ways even before that.) Have faith that God will answer it. Try fasting for a day.... I have found this to help as well. I am with you on this and so is God. Be surrendered to HIS will and know that this is a painful process. You are not alone. Love, Ben |
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