somebody
Submitted by Splash! on February 13 2002 06:50:39
In reply to Letting Go... submitted by J on February 13 2002 06:24:48
|
Throughout my life I've had a tough time dealing with whether I should be happy living my life alone and celibate, or whether I should go out and get a wife no matter what means it took. One relationship I had was nothing but sex, and I felt dirty. So I went to the other extreme with my next relationship. It was very spiritual but lacked sexual attraction. It fizzled. Then another relationship was very romantic and sexual (and very spiritual at times) -- we knew each other for a couple years previous, and then lived together. Then she turned mean. And now, my newest girlfriend has all of a sudden seemed to become disinterested, which has me worried. If she can so easily turn off and on her interest in me, what does that say about any future we might have together. So, at times like this I wonder if it would've been better if I stuck with the previous "witch" and played her games just as long as I could still feel her loving caress at the times she felt like giving it to me. I do miss the good times we had -- there were a lot of them, but at the same time she was killing my own identity (which has nothing to do with BL). She was very selfish, and I felt in bondage. So anyway, I'm not feeling too bad about my being single for the rest of my life. I have enough hobbies, and I have my relationship with Jesus to keep me going. There isn't much time left anyway. Really. But it'd be so much easier if I could just turn off this sexual part of me -- even the part of me that simply yearns to be loved and understood by someone else. I've prayed for it to happen many times. Then I could really live for God! But I guess things like this also show God what we're willing to sacrifice for Him because of our love for Him. I want somebody to share Share the rest of my life Share my innermost thoughts Know my intimate details Someone who'll stand by my side And give me support And in return She'll get my support She will listen to me When I want to speak About the world we live in And life in general Though my views may be wrong They may even be perverted She'll hear me out And won't easily be converted To my way of thinking In fact she'll often disagree But at the end of it all She will understand me I want somebody who cares For me passionately With every thought and With every breath Someone who'll help me see things In a different light All the things I detest I will almost like I don't want to be tied To anyone's strings I'm carefully trying to steer clear of Those things But when I'm asleep I want somebody Who will put their arms around me And kiss me tenderly Though things like this Make me sick In a case like this I'll get away with it (released by Depeche Mode) ...those last four lines puzzle me somewhat, and yet i can relate. Splash |
Follow ups: