Kid Stuff
Submitted by Mark on February 23 2002 23:20:16
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I got this from a fellow teacher at school: A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. Dead," she was informed. "How do you know?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move." ********************************************************* (WHAT WE SAY IS NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY HEAR) A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son-of-a-bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son-of-a-bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say 'Two plus two, that son-of-a-bitch is four?'" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was 'Two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH is four.'" ********************************************** An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'" ********************************* * * * * One summer evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked, with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." The long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy." ********************************* * * * * When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three-year-old came into the room as I was getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, Honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?" |
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