I think the rules are flexable
Submitted by Dakota on March 24 2002 02:54:02
In reply to my protest to you posting rules submitted by sally on March 24 2002 00:33:32
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Actually, I applaud you for bothering to read the rules. Most visitors just jump right into posting, sometimes without even bothering to read a single post themselves. First of all, let me say that it's late and I'm quite tired, so I can't address everything you brought up. I'm still a bit burned out from having a similar discussion with some guy that thought it best if we all would commit suicide. The string is just a couple posts down and might answer some of your questions in more detail than I feel up to posting right now. The title starts out "NYPD Blue." I understand your shock, especially when you visited other sites where some posters tend to revel in their attractions. I think it's a defense mechanism sometimes, just like when some gays go out of their way to flaunt it. When you live in a world that despises you for something you have no control over (ie, one's sexual attractions), it can be a relief to "let it all hang out." But I digress. The main thing I wanted to say to you tonight is that I am not proud of being a pedophile, but neither am I ashamed. I used to be ashamed of my attractions. But now I refuse to be ashamed of something I have absolutely no control over. It's not sinful to have desires. It is sometimes sinful to ACT on those desires, depending on what those desires are. As far as whether I consider myself normal, who among us is normal? There is no such thing. Since the fall in the Garden of Eden, we are all abnormal to a point, and we could all use a little "fixing." I think you somehow got the idea that we all are reveling in our sexual attraction to boys. What we are actually doing is helping each other deal with it in a way that would be pleasing to God. I have prayed many times for God to remove this attraction, but so far, He has chosen not to. Now we could get into a big theological debate over whether I lack enough faith, or if I subconsciencely am blocking God's healing, or any number of things. But the hard cold truth is that I am sexually attracted to minor boys and until and unless God chooses to change that, I have to deal with it. What would you have me do? Deny it? Lie to myself? I did exactly that for years and I was a wreck, no good to God or anyone else. By listening to what the world had to say about my attractions (and what many Christians said also), I thought I was evil and unredeemable because I couldn't stop what I felt. But I eventually came to realize that no one can stop what they feel. You said in your post that you were ashamed of your "deeds of darkness and desires." I agree that we should be ashamed of wrongful deeds, but why are you ashamed of desires? You can't control how you FEEL. I'm sure you must have felt sexual attraction to someone who was not your husband. I hope you didn't beat yourself up over it, because it's not your fault. It would be your fault if you gave in to those desires and had an affair with him. So we come here to seek mutual support and encouragement, not to sin, but to live as God would want us to. After all, we have no other place to go. The church won't accept us, and the world wants to lynch us. Oh, one more thing I wanted to address. You mentioned something about clothing our sin in some kind of martyr's garb. Well, as i said before, desires are not sin. And I am no martyr. But I'd like to see other so called "normal" men voluntarily be celibate for years. I'd like to see how they handle having to use public bathrooms with the object of their attraction using the same one, sometimes in the very next urinal. And I wonder if they could handle living in a world that hates them, not for what they do, but what they are. And how would they deal with living a life of secrecy where you can't let anyone know something as basic as who you find attractive. No, I'm no martyr. But I can look at myself in the mirror and not be ashamed. And although I'm far from perfect, I have confidence that when I die and stand before God, He will say something like "Well done, good and faithful servant. It's time to lay your burdens down and join me in paradise." Well, I've already gone into it more than I planned, and my brain is starting to shut down on me. :-) I would welcome more of your posts. And if you don't like the term boylovers (although we really do have a sincere, non-sexual love for boys, not just an attraction), and if pedophiles makes you think of molesters (although they aren't the same), and if you're too polite to call us perverts, why not try MAA, which stand for minor attracted adult? Take care, and I'm going to bed. Dakota |
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