Why?

"I decided, a quick and complete method…I would crash my car at top speed [153mph, I had a Porsche at the time] unto a freeway support that was unguarded. I went upstairs, and kissed my three year old son whilst he slept…and drove away…" I can understand you were devastated, but you had a young son!! What about him? Where you just going to leave him behind? You said life had become meaningless, yet you had a son? I can't understand that... isn't your son a meaningful part of your life? sigh... "I then asked him a question that I know would tear my heart if he answered what I feared he would. I asked if he had a choice of only one of us in his life who would it be…? Brian waited for almost three minutes then looked at the floor again and answered." Why did you have to put him trought such a dillemma? It strikes me as being very unfair from you to ask a kid that. Why do you have to be the most important thing in his life? Wasn't it enought that he obviously still loved you? Isn't it normal for a boy to find a girl he loves and devote his attention to her? Isn't that how it's supposed to go in most ppls lives? Maybe your expectations of him where higher than he could ever deliver. "I had come to love this boy very much and did my best to ignore Brian and the witch. I devoted all my time to his every whim and he thoroughly relished in my affection. There were moments that Brian made a feeble attempt at civility, when she was not around; and he would come to me with great enthusiasm proud over a grade he received from school, but I would simply remained aloof and reply “that’s nice” instead of my customary praise and adulations." It doesn't sound like you gave her or Brian much of a chance. You expected more from Brian than a boy could ever give and you felt rejected and in return you rejected him. To me it seems like you were playing games with his feelings. I know you intended well, but that's not the kind of emotional burden a child should be dealing with. How do you think he felt? He was in love with this girl... which is normal for a boy at some point, yet he'd be letting you down if he 'loved her more'. He was honest enought to tell you his true feelings and you pushed him away and moved on to the next in line. The moment you asked that question you made a big mistake. I think you are expecting too much from the boys in your life. It's as if you are looking for a monogamous relationship... having to deal with expectations like that's an unhealthy burden to a boy IMO. Such a shame...