Re: help
Submitted by Mark on April 21 2002 21:32:04
In reply to help submitted by Andrew on April 21 2002 16:44:22
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Hi Andrew, Many (perhaps most) therapists/counselors don't know anything about pedophilia or hebephilia, so may assume we can't control ourselves. Many seem to be confused about reporting laws, and may think they have to report us for just having the feelings, or think that we must be reported because we are dangerous. Here's what I did: I emailed my state Psychological Association, using anonymous email, and told them that I was attracted to boys but had always (and continue to be) celibate. I gave a very vague idea of my location and asked for names of possible therapists in my state who had knowledge and experience with those attracted to boys. I was given a short list, and one of the people on the list was not too far from me. So I contacted him, again by anonymous email, and told him some details of my situation. We corresponded a few times, even by phone after his responses to my questions indicated he was trustworthy. I asked him about his experience and approach. He sounded pretty good, saying he had worked both with those who "had gotten in trouble with the law and those who hadn't." He also said his approach was to help the client set goals and work toward them. I asked if he thought it would be a good idea for me to work with kids (without telling him that I do). He said that would be like a person with a weak immune system working in an infectious disease lab. In spite of his humane approach, he apparently viewed our sexuality as more dangerous that a straight person's. So I decided not to see him. Then another BL I met in person gave me the name of a therapist that another BLer friend of his vouched for. Because another BLer recommended him, I felt I could trust him. (Of course, I asked the BLer some questions just to make sure he was trustworthy.) I did see this therapist, who was definitely trustworthy, knowledgeable, and sympathetic. (But I do think such therapists are few and far between.) I only saw him once, because he really wasn't helpful. All he could do was say "It's really tough to be a boylover today" and advise me to never have any kind of non-sexual friendship with a boy because of the risk of false charges or the possibility the boy would try to have sex with me ("Boys are not inert," were his exact words.) I think he had seen so many BLers who ended up in jail that his only concern was keeping them out of jail, rather than caring for their mental health. He also told me that the law required him to report sexual activity only with a boy I was in a position of authority over, not with other boys. I can't believe he was correct. That's not to say there aren't understanding therapists who can be helpful. I'm just saying that research through anonymous email or BL friends is essential to find someone trustworthy. Then ask him some good questions and decide if he would be able to address your needs. Good luck! Mark |
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