boys and broken hearts (for Ben & Genghis)

I also read Ben's post with much interest. In a sense I cannot give my whole heart out to a boy, because in a very short time (at most several years), the boy will cease to become a "boy", and while our friendship might remain, it will not be the same as it was before when he was younger and I looked at him with true love in my eyes. My YF is older now, and we have grown distant. He used to hang on my every word and cry if I were disappointed in him. He cared what I thought about him. We've lost that, and he's no longer the very cool friend I used to have. Now all he seems to care about is himself. I had wished that he'd at least continue to live as a true Christian -- doing what is right and living unselfishly -- but I hear he's doing quite the opposite. That is the heart-breaking part. I still love him very much, but I fear we can never go back to the friendship we once had when he was more innocent and loving. This is also why I, like Ben said, don't pursue those types of relationships anymore. Now I keep my distance and don't let boys get too emotionally attached to me, and vice versa. I've found that it's very possible to do this and still be a great influence in their lives. I wonder, however, how is it that we go into our "relationships" knowing full well, ahead of time, that it cannot survive for long. When boy meets girl, many things can happen and if all goes well, marriage and living happily ever after can occur. With a YF, you will spend his best years with him, but afterward he will venture out into the world and meet other people. Would a guy date a girl if he knew 100% that they would break up soon? I wonder too, and how common is this among boylovers who have adult partners? I never date anyone more than once unless I think I might want to be with that person for the rest of my life. Not only because I don't like breaking hearts, but also because I feel I'm wasting both of our lives, knowing that it won't last anyway. Maybe this is another reason why I don't pursue to have anymore YFs in my life (besides my nephew). I work with lots of kids every day, and I see how much they change when they become teenagers. I don't want to get hurt anymore. I'll still work with them, but I won't give them the chance to break my heart.