Re: Followup to Curious
Submitted by Splash! on 2002-08-3 04:00:51, Saturday
In reply to Followup to Curious submitted by Drifter on 2002-08-2 23:14:25, Friday
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1. Do you feel you lacked a father figure? 2. If so, do you think that contributed to being a bl? When I first attempted to answer that previous post I went into great detail about this and then decided not to post it. As I said, I think there were many factors that contributed to me being a BL; however, I also think that the lack of a father figure may have been the main contributing factor. My dad was not a father. He did not know how to raise a child (daughter or son), and he thought his sons should be interested in the same macho things he was into. I was too young to be manly and failed miserably at meeting his expectations. So, even if he said he loved me, I didn't believe it because I knew I wasn't what he thought I should be. (In addition, my parents divorced when I could barely walk, and I saw my dad maybe every other weekend). I clearly remembering wanting to have a man in my life (even to the extent of desiring to be kidnapped and sexually assaulted, yet loved -- very strange, I know). That was tough to say, so please be kind. And I clearly remember wanting to have a younger brother, or wishing that I could somehow be adopted into a family that had a boy or two (my age or younger). At school, it seemed tough for me to fit in with the other boys -- I was poor and got along too well with girls (who were supposed to be "yucky" at this point). Then the boys got jealous of me because I was easily able to have beautiful girlfriends. I felt rejected mostly by other boys, or as if I wasn't good enough to be their friend. Then when I started to become "cool" they were all nice to me. At this point, I rejected most of their offers of friendship, appearing as if I thought I might be too cool for them, which they actually started to believe. I lost trust in other males for many reasons, and maybe that's why I look to the only males I think I can trust -- young boys and now: other BLs. I don't know... Splash |
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